My brother and his wife relocated to Arizona from Florida after my father's death in 2008, leaving me as Mom's POA in her advancing age. His parting words were "We're not interested in her house" which meant the burden of maintaining Mom's house as well as her healthcare was on my shoulders exclusively. Since I was not of retirement age, I kept working fulltime and commuted on weekends (160 miles roundtrip) to watch over Mom. As her health and memory declined, I saw the writing on the wall - sold my condo, retired and moved in with her temporarily. Now that she has passed away, my brother has resurfaced and says he "mispoke" when he initially declined his claim to the house. I am busy planning the funeral, grieving emotionally, and now my brother is coming back to attend the funeral. He's driving to save money, so does this mean he expects me to put him up for 4 days. It is Mom's house, and we share equally her assets but I can't do it - my resentment runs too deep. I'm worried there is no way out of this and I'm scared.
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I can't tell if brother thinks he should be able to stay in the house. Why don't you ask him where he plans to stay?
It would be gracious to open your mom's home to him; he must be hurting too.
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My deepest condolences and sympathies. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know this is an extremely difficult time. The grief is unbearable. You have been a very dutiful daughter taking care of your mom all these years. I too had a lot of resentments against my siblings while caring for my father after his stroke. He passed last year.
I know its hard but if you can try and tell him, he will have to make alternate living arrangements while in town for the funeral. He should stay at an Airbnb, or at friends or another family member. Maybe he won't get it, but let him know you need more privacy and do not feel comfortable having him at the house. I know the conversation won't be easy but its better to tell him before he arrives.
I hope others can give more insight.
Thinking of you. Sending you love and hugs.