How can sisters be so uncaring?

Exactly, Sheron, you won't have regrets with all the love and care you've given your mother.

Sheron, this isn't an excuse for your siblings, but perhaps an explanation. They may not be as mentally and emotionally strong as you are and may not be able to cope with your mother's medical issues.

My sister developed a "dropped foot" as her cancer metastasized. It was painfully agonizing to see her struggle to walk, especially since she had been a runner and taught exercise classes to seniors.

But she needed help, and that was more important than the anguish I felt, and I'm not writing this for self gratification or praise. It just needed to be done; she needed support.

And on that topic, there might be a brace that your mother could get. My sister got one, but it was hard to wear on her dropped foot.There was an emotional stigma as well. In the short and long run, it wasn't any help. But I thought you ought to be aware of the possibility.

One thought you might bear in mind was something a friend told me. You're alone in your caregiving, but you're providing support to your mother at perhaps the most crucial time of her life. And your siblings are absent when she needs them. They might regret that for the rest of their lives.

Being called the "angel daughter" just made my year. Thank you so much. It's funny how strangers can make someone feel so much better about their situation as a major caregiver. No one in my family would ever come close to saying or communicating that to me. You must have been told to say that from my late dad who I helped take of also before he passed away in January of 2013. Thank you so much! The angels and God work in mysterious ways. :) Again thank-you for your kind words... :) PS. I used to love watching mash :)

Sheron, I just called you what you are. You must have gotten it from your mom. I only hope that if and when I should ever need anything like what your mom needs, my own daughter will step up for me. Be well, dear one, I send you wishes for some peace, too.

Hi Hugemom,I'm so sorry for how your family is treating you. Thank you for calling me an "angel daughter". That means so much since I don't have the family that does. That is say anything nice to me about taking care of my mom.

Sheron, your posts break my heart. We read soooo many posts from people who say their parents are mean and nasty and abusive. It breaks my heart because I am the same as your mom. I try to do nice things for people and seem to get it thrown in my face too, and it hurts. I had an incident with my son about 6 weeks ago that still brings tears to my eyes. I adore(d) my son previous to this and what he and his wife did to me was like a surprise “ice bucket challenge”. He even got my husband involved against me.

Don’t think your mom doesn’t realize any of this or that she isn’t very hurt by it. That’s what makes me the saddest. I’m glad at least she has you. I send her many wishes for recovery and lots of years with you, her angel daughter. For the rest of them, as Klinger once said on MASH, may the fleas of ten-thousand camels infest their armpits. Xxoo

Me, I would not help my sister. You don't say if you work but if you do, I think that and being there for Mom is important. You have good excuse for not helping sister. She doesn't work and has children old enough to care for themselves and I would tell her that.

Thank you JessieBelle and Blannie for responding. I feel I am not alone. :)

Thank you for giving me this forum to vent. It is a whole much better than venting any of this on my facebook page which has hundreds of people including those that I have for business purposes. (I own my own small business).

My older sister is only 3 years older than me.

How can someone ignore that their own mom is sick when she lives in the same city though is still irrational to me.

I almost questioned myself why should I continue to pray to God (I took her a few weeks ago to Montreal to St. Joseph church - a church known for its founder who helped heal a lot of people back in the 50's or so) but realized God is stopping her chemo from spreading and although she got pneumonia last week, she is still surviving.

I sometimes just still don't understand though how my sisters can be so seemingly heartless to her plight.

Plus she has a really great sense of humour. Since she's lost her voice though - she's become increasingly isolated. She used to be a social butterfly - talking on the phone constantly with all of her friends both old and new that she's met through her various physical rehab stays at different facilities here in the city. it breaks my heart now though that she says she doesn't bother calling them anymore because she knows they can't understand her over the phone from her voice loss.

I read the different posts on here occasionally and one of the best and maybe most common comment from the major caretakers of their parents is that we get to spend that valuable time with our parent - to realize how beautiful and generous they are while our siblings will really never know that. That helps me sometimes when I start to feel really resentful or angry at them for not doing anything for my mom.

My mom is a sweet and loving lady. Every time I take her to one of her appointments, I make sure to take her to the grocery store or pharmacy or to the mall and she always wants to buy things for my sisters, nieces and nephew. But they are so unappreciative. A couple of weeks ago, I asked my nephew to call my mom to say thank-you for the velveeta and cheese boxes she bought specifically for him because she knows he loves them and he said he would but never did. With her declining savings ( she has a pension that goes all to her retirement fee), when she wanted to buy pogos (corn dogs) for him for me to bring home to him I said don't - he never says thank-you anyways. I felt bad because I know it makes her feel good to do things like this for her family but I know with her dwindling savings that it will be me that will be helping her to cover her retirement fee and why bother spending her own money on people that don't appreciate it when she can buy things for herself.

My dad had a stroke and had a procedure to insert a piece of plastic (maybe silicone?) into his frozen vocal chord. It really helped him be able to speak above a whisper.

As for your sisters, they sound like my brother. Very self-absorbed. When my mom died in May (after 15 years of caregiving on my part), I wrote my brother a long letter letting him know what a disappointment he was to me as a brother and to mom as a son. He wrote back with a million excuses, none of which excuses him for his lack of involvement/caring.

All I can say is I did the best I could for both my folks and I can look myself in the mirror. I am at peace. So be the loving daughter your mom deserves; it's your sisters' loss. {{{Hugs}}}

She has also been getting over a bit of pneumonia this past week and fell in her room on Wed. as I was called from the retirement home nurse (she landed on her elbow and no serious or obvious yet repercussions) and still no call from my older sister or visits from my twin.

That is really sad. I think it is the way it is for most families now. Most people get busy with their own lives and if they think everything is covered they don't feel the need to do anything. Sounds like they are missing out on a lot of love from a sweet lady.

My mom has cancer, has been going through chemo, lost her voice since April 29, 2017. She can whisper though. Waiting to hear when she can have a procedure done to inject collagen into one of her vocal chords so she can get her voice back. She has permanent nerve damage in her leg due to a blood accumulation that happened when nurses accidently hit her blood vessels while giving her cancer treatment injections in her buttocks. She can't walk very good anymore - has a dropped foot. She had two back fractures - and had an emergency ileostomy all within the last few years. My older sister never calls her to see how she's doing or visit her. She could no longer stay with me because we don't have a bathroom on the main floor and my twin sister ( who I own a house with) always made her feel bad by saying things rudely when she would be awoken at night when my mom had to go to the bathroom on our second floor. She now stays in a retirement home. She is 75 years old and the most loving and selfless person. She is always convincing me to help my older sister out who does not work and has two teenage girls. I told my older sister that I since she acts like my mom does not exist that I will also act like my older sister doesn't exist.


My twin will call her occasionally but will also never take her out on the weekends when I know my twin will go shopping or browsing at stores which my mom loves to do.

Why do you mean?id love to help but more information would be helpful..thank you