Has anyone read Deborah Tannen's book, "I Only Say This Because I Love You: Talking to Your Parents, Partner, Sibs, and Kids When You're All Adults"?

Perhaps the right question to post was: Does anyone talk to their parents like an adult or have we all been groomed to grin and bear it when it comes to speaking truth to power i.e. our parents?

"Is your FIL the person who is refusing the exam because he fears a lobotomy? Or is that someone else?" Someone else!!

Is your FIL the person who is refusing the exam because he fears a lobotomy? Or is that someone else?

My FIL has cognitive decline but as long as he refuses to acknowledge it and insists that he's just depressed and anxious my husband and I have to at least try and talk to him like an adult. We just don't know how and that's why I'm interested in reading this book. And I still hope that someone on this forum has read it!

I suppose these type of books would help me, with regard to my senior parents (not my cousin who has dementia), I've adopted a quiet approach. I just listen and file the information away in my mind. I'd discovered that when stubborn people have their own minds made up, they really aren't looking for suggestions, information or dialogue about it. lol But, for some reason they think that a 50 year old woman has no idea how to operate a car. lol

I love the Roz Chast book and re-read it all the time because it is so real to me.

The book is by Roz Chast and it's title is "Can't we talk about something more pleasant?" We have read it several times and refer to sections of it to remind ourselves that we are not losing our minds.

The Deborah Tannen book is written by a linguist. Currently I am trying to help my husband develop a new set of skills for dealing with his father, who continues to dump his depression on my husband at every opportunity.

And with the one year anniversary of my MIL's death approaching, I also want to prepare myself with a new set of tools when talking with my FIL, who is severely depressed.

Just this morning, my husband and I were talking!
Dh: "When are we going to the beach?"
Wife: "Today"
Dh: synopsis: The many many reasons why we cannot go, omitting that he sleeps the day away every Sunday.
Wife: "Are there anymore reasons why we can't go?"
Dh: no answer
Wife: Today.
End of conversation.
Mind in a mental trick, I come away thinking, Why did he bring it up?

Will the book help me with that?  I googled it, interested, $10.98.

I haven't read it either, but thank you for suggesting it. And Windyridge, I will have to look for your suggestion as well. I only wish I found these books before my dad passed.

I haven't read it. My reading lately has been either gardening magazines or escape fiction that's so engrossing I forget about the day to day issues.

For a more light hearted look at elder caregiving read CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING MORE PLEASANT. The author is Rob Chatz ( think that's right). She's a great cartoonist for the New Yorker and other publications. The book is about her journey caring for her stubborn elderly parents. It's my favorite book on the subject.

Yay! Thank you, responders!! I haven't read this book either, my library doesn't have it, my local bookstore doesn't carry it, and before I buy it I wanted to at least be able to flip through it. But based solely on the title and the good reputation of the author, I'm beginning to think that reading this book should be required for the entire population, or at least for everyone involved in a caregiving situation.

The title sounds very amusing. I doubt that I could get anyone in my family to read it though. Man, they are some very closed up people. Always concerned about speaking the truth, h*ll bent on enabling, love to sugar coat, denial, etc. LOL

I had no idea this book existed, but I will read it! Thank you! I take care of my very depressed & mean & nasty 89 year old grandmother.

Anyone?