Mom has to be placed in long term care and it's killing me.

I'm so sorry that you're going through This! Get her on every waiting list you can and remember that you CAN transfer her once she's in a bed.

Also, the easiest route is for her to be transferred from a hospital, so keep that in mind if she develops anything at all.

Yes good idea I may have to get on a waiting list ..I will contact them Tommrow ..the fear of the unknown is scary to this 👵 old lady ..I just love my mom so much

I don't think it's odd to have that anxiety at all. It's a big adjustment. The unknown can be scary, but, if it's for her welfare, it'll be worth it. I tried to just focus on getting past the transition. It was very stressful.

I'm not sure how to get a bed available. I was so terrified and insistent when I contacted places, I think they were impressed it was an emergency and they agreed to see me immediately. It didn't take long, once I made my decision.

Can you get on a waiting list or is that not possible?

Amen sunny girl ..well I have social worker friends that gave me a list of the best long term care places in town ..and there aren’t many ..but all the ones they gave me have no Medicaid beds ...I was told there are few and far between Medicaid beds here in town ..but I have a few more names ...ugh it’s killing me ,, here I am this old lady of 55 and having separation anxiety from my mom

I'm not sure what you consider nice, but, I looked at a lot of places before placing my LO. (It was AL and Memory Care.) What I discovered is that just because the place looks fancy, has nice furniture, high price tag, doesn't mean it's a better place. Sometimes, a more modest place in appearance has solid staff and good track record. I ended up transferring my LO to a place that did not look as upscale, but, it was better equipped to manage my LO and her dementia. I hope you can find something that meets her needs.

Well I guess getting her in and out of the car is my half of wanting to take her home ,,,I have a waver for 12hours a day 3 days a week while I work at the hospital,but I need help the other 4 days ..I think I’m just going back and forth knowing it’s the best thing for her but missing her when she’s gone..your kind words of not worrying as much about her is true ..I’m worry about her even when I’m at work and her caregiver is here..Your posts really helped me ..I’m trying to be brave and just find a nice place for her ..I’m going to look at a nursing home Tommrow ...everyplace I,like Ive been to,they have no Medicaid beds ...I’m running out,of nice places ...I’ve even looked into group homes that take Medicaid and Medicare..but no open beds ...ughhh

It's tough to handle all of this by yourself. It was quite stressful getting my LO there, but, once settled in, you'll feel better. And, you can visit all you want. What I noticed, is that once I got out from all the overwhelming stress of her total care, I was able to rest at home, recharge my batteries and then feel rested and ready for my day. I was then able to look forward to my visits, because I actually felt healthier and was able to focus on being her advocate with more vigor.

I hope things work out for you and your mother.

Why do you need to get her in and out of the car, you're not thinking of taking her around to pick her own option are you? I suggest you pick the one that works best for you to visit, unless one stand out in either an extra good or bad way the care will be similar no matter which one you choose. If it is simply a one time transport to the facility then hire handicapped transit, you will have enough on your plate dealing with moving her things without worrying about her falling on the way there.
No doubt the adjustment will be huge, you'll find yourself on your way to check on her or planning her dinner or waking up because you're sure you heard her call, but then you will remember. But you will hopefully also start to feel the relief from the weight of the burden of her care, I liken it to a background hum you don't even notice until it suddenly stops. You will soon feel too busy being her advocate, visiting and coordinating her care, but you will also be able to sleep blissfully through the night and eat a meal uninterrupted.

Have you looked into the Nursing Home Diversion Program, if your state has one? It is Medicaid that pays, to keep a person at home who would otherwise be in a nursing home. They pay for aides to come to your house. Also called a waiver program in some states