How can we get mom to accept a temporary care giver when her primary is away?

Unfortunately, there are no words that will work
Refusal to let caregivers in the house was ultimately why mom had to be placed in a facility
That said, I still don't quite know why she likes some and not others unless there are obvious reasons

I'm sorry this is so difficult for your family but she likely does need some type of anti anxiety med

My husband has dementia, and I found out he's scared of anything that is different. He starts screaming all kinds of mean things. He has to have a daily routine. He gets confused which makes him even madder. Talk to her doctor, there are meds that can help their fear and make the person calmer.

maybe she wants you to stay

You have to use anti-anxiety medication in the elderly with supervision. It's one of the main reasons they fall. It also affects memory. Maybe you can introduce a back-up person so your mom can get used to them when the primary isn't available. Otherwise just explain to the caregiver agency that your mom is scared of new people and also, if she reacts with fear, it may be a good idea to have her evaluated. Good luck!

In the past, when I had to change caregivers, or have a temporary one, I introduced the girl as a college friend of mine, and said she would just be there to help out while I was at work. I'd say I asked her to be there with mom so I wouldn't feel guilty about being away for so many hours. And then I'd say, you know how demanding my boss is, so I can't help it, just like when you worked at such and such school. That always smoothed things over.

Does she take anti anxiety meds yet? You didn't say what stage she in or how long she's had it. I ask because they usually dumb down the I hate yous. I would suggest that but more importantly, they are afraid and paranoid so if you introduce a step in caregiver several weeks before the regular is on vacation and have them visit her with the regular one there a few times a week prior to the trip it could make her more comfortable with them when the time comes.

The best way I can think of to handle this type of situation is to give two choices -- have a substitute caregiver come in or go to an AL facility for "respite care" until the caregiver returns. Given the choice, the substitute caregiver could look like a blessing to her. :)

It sounds like explaining things won't help. Apparently, she's not able to process the situation and accept it. Sadly, it gets to the point where reasoning won't help. It sounds like dad is not up to caring for her and himself. It must be very stressful for him. Who has Durable POA and Healthcare POA? I might pursue care for her, if you have the authority. You might discuss her behavior with her doctor to see if it's anxiety that is causing her behavior.

Eventually, it may come to the point where a person with dementia just can't call the shots, run the show or make important decisions. Resistance to care is quite common. She may really need the care, even if she doesn't like it.   Her husband's welfare is also at risk. And sadly, the person with dementia might not always be happy and content. It's a part of the condition. If she's too out of control about another caretaker being present, I'd discuss options with her doctor. Perhaps, in patient care until the regular caretaker returns.