My mother is in early stages of Alzheimer's/dementia. I have several siblings, two of whom are very dictatorial in their speech when trying to get her to do things that are necessary (i.e. reminders to take med; to wear incontinence products when going out). The more dictatorial they are, the more she is embarassed and of course stubborn.
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Often just the "tone" of voice is all that matters. That is all you "hear".
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I'd suggest you suggest to the sergeant major siblings that they listen to themselves. And then think: if an outsider spoke to your mother as they just have, how would they react?
Maybe there is a social worker or other third party who can help your siblings understand that they need to change their approach? A social worker visits from time to time and her input has been invaluable.
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