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Und2Bkn0in Asked October 2017

How do I protect my mother from brother who has POA when I feel he might have been sexually abusing her?

My mother was admitted into Kaiser permanente due to a woman's yeast infection along with a bed sore that got infected. I had been trying to see my mom for the last year and a half when I finally talked to my brother he told me that I had to make an appointment with him. He kept making excuses as to why I couldn't see her , the day my wife called an attorney is the day he called me and said she was having a better day and I could see her at 5:30 pm. So we went to see her at her house and she was in bed. A week later is when he called me and told me he was taking her to the Dr. I met him there and saw her and that is when I found out about her physical state. The nurse told me that all of this could have been prevented. And that is the whole reason for my suspicion ( concern) because why did he prevent me from knowing about her condition? What was really going on ? Was he abusing her? I could have helped take care of her! Now there isn't too much I can do.

ohmeowzer Oct 2017
If your Mom lives at a nursing home then meet with the dr ....

ohmeowzer Oct 2017
I am a RN and women get yeast infections all the time ..I find it worrisome you think your Mom was sexually abused because she got a yeast infection you need to speak to your moms doctor and find out why she has a yeast infection, what they are doing for it and what can be done to prevent it...a yeast infection does not mean or have anything to do with sexually abusing someone ...please speak to her doctor and educate yourself on your mom’s diagnoses.

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BarbBrooklyn Oct 2017
Your profile says your mom is in a nursing home? Why would you have to make an appointment to see her there?

What do you mean by a "woman's " yeast infection? Vaginal, breast? As pointed out above, they are not usually sexually transmitted.

If you and your brother are going to successfully care for your mom, you need to talk to each other and both gain an understanding of her medical conditions.

Hugemom Oct 2017
What makes you think he is abusing her? Did the doctor who examined her say anything? Does she have marks? I care for my husband who is incontinent and immobile and I can tell you, this is the worse part of my life, ever. My back has been spasming all weekend, but if I go down, there is no one to replace me. No one.

If you feel you have valid concerns about abuse, contact the police or Adult Protective Services. But be aware, if your allegations are unfounded, you will have opened up a huge can of nasty worms.

cwillie Oct 2017
Whoa, slow down. Women get yeast infections without having sex - some women are more prone to them than others - you are jumping to a very extreme conclusion if that's all your suspicion is based on. You don't say anything about your mom's health concerns, but given that she has a pressure ulcer I assume she is immobile? And she has incontinence? You mention going to her house, does he live with her, or is she on her own?

To add, being a caregiver is hard work, caring for someone bedridden and incontinent is exponentially harder.  Perhaps he was doing his best or perhaps he was negligent, but there is a long way from being a lousy caregiver to being an abuser.

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