The memory care facility banned me from visiting and phone calls. Can they do this?

Were you actually banned or just asked not to visit or call for a while? If a resident is easily upset and acts out after a relative leaves, that relative may be asked to hold off on the visits for a while. You are within your rights to call a Care Conference. It’s a law that they have to have a meeting with the family every 3 months or when the family requests one. You don’t have to have a POA to call one, or permission from another family member. It could clear things up for everyone.

After witnessing disruptive family arguments in the dining room at mealtimes where my mom resides, I wish to God somebody WOULD ban some people or at least act more quickly to shut the arguing up. It scares the hell out of some of the more sensitive residents. I nearly got out of my chair the other night to ask a few sisters of one gentleman to take it outside.

The care facility can ban anyone from their facilities regardless of what the family members or POA say. Both my sisters were banned from the entire property where my 91 year old mother resides due to an altercation with a caregiver. I asked that my sisters be allowed to visit my mother but the administration responded that they could only visit if a member was of the facility security team was present to supervise each visit. My sisters blame me for the restrictions but the CEO explained that I had no say in the matter even though I am the POA. They indicated that the facility is under their management and that they make the decisions regarding visitation and other forms of communication for their residents. My sisters took their lawyer to meet with the CEO who did not change his mind regarding the restrictions and now my sisters have gone after me with their lawyer to sue me for not abiding by the terms of a POA! You should have an immediate meeting with a mediator present to determine why the restrictions were established.

Carney, I see from your profile that your Dad has Alzheimer's/Dementia so that being the case, anything can disrupt a routine. Sounds like it is nothing you are doing, it just Dad's mind is not working correctly.

Do the other siblings run into this same situation? Are they no longer allowed to visit Dad during this time frame? Hopefully this will be just a phase your Dad is going through. Just let the phase run its course.

Would you be able to ask the Memory Care admin to set up a meeting to get some suggestions on what to do? This isn't their first rodeo so they could recommend various things.

If you are visiting a lot, maybe it was too much, not allowing Dad to get accustom to his new home, the Staff, and the other residents.

I would not hesitate to call a Care Conference and get some answers. Should the outcome not be to your liking, you, as POA , might consider moving him to a different facility. You will have to weigh the plusses and minuses of such a move.

Hi Carney,

I don't think that a MC unit can ban you unless your sibling tells them to. Have you been able to speak with anyone at the facility, such as the Administrator or the case manager? Have you talked to your sibling about this? That might be the place to start.

The only power we have is how we act and react to situations. I would examine what I was talking about when I was with him and how I felt about him being in a facility. Do you feel really bad that he is there? Do you console him because he "has to be there?" In some way, he feels he can go home with you and your sister may not be conveying that same sentiment. I would feel some guilt and sadness if I were in your shoes. I have found that it is good for me to say "They sure are taking good care of you here". "I sure wish I was here but I am so glad [caregivers name] is here with you!" These type of comments convey peacefulness and contentment to your father. When it is the only care you can provide, it becomes your job to make him feel totally at peace.  PS. It does seem unacceptable that rhey could ban you.

I would be interested in why you were banned as both of my parents are in MC and I can't imagine being banned from seeing them.

When they both moved to the facility I didn't visit for a couple of weeks because my visit did stir them up and they just wanted to ask why they are there and can they go home. They still have days when the visit deteriorates into them asking all kinds of questions, wanting to go home, complaining.. when that happens I quickly leave. I only stay around when the visit is positive and they are enjoying it.

While I am there I try to be positive about the place, the residents, and the employees there. I never act like I feel sorry for them being there... and point out all the positive aspects as much as possible. If I have any complaints about the place.. I don't discuss them around them at all.

I haven't seen any disruption from any other family visits yet.. but I'm sure if there were they would suggest for the family to hold off on visits until they become better adjusted.

I notice the new residents all go through this adjustment period (some are so angry and confused). Even visits from other residents family members gets them stirred up. One lady just moved in and walks around with her purse.. and follows me asking for a ride when I leave the facility.... which complicates my visit and my escape route from my own parents... lol.

I believe the original poster, Carney, has left the building.... there hasn't been any response back to our questions, not even on the day of posting 8 days ago.

I am troubled by the facility's action. Since your father has dementia, he is not fully capable of representing his personal medical history to staff; it is incumbent upon facility staff to reach out to family members to determine salient features of your father's medical history. Do you have Power of Attorney (POA)? That could prove to be helpful although not determinant. I have found that being a court-appointed guardian for medical purposes gave me more of a say in my loved one's care. If you do not have at least POA, you may want to enlist the help of an elder attorney who can apprise you of your rights and help you navigate the labyrinthine world of long-term care. I sincerely hope that you are able to get to a place of real communication with the facility that is supposed to render care to your father.