My parents are caring for my father's 70 year old sister. She has osteoporosis and has broken bones 3 times in the last 2 years. Plus she's had surgeries on a knee and foot. She's in rehab for the 3rd time. She will not listen to doctor's orders on what she should not do and takes her meds as she chooses, throwing away what she doesn't want and doubling or tripling others. We think she's having memory issues. She gives money and personal info over the phone to strangers. She's very demanding. Her doctor won't recommend an evaluation for her memory. He's no help on any of it.
My father has a seizure disorder that impares his thinking, and he has pain and a limp from an accident. My mother has a list of health issues and was recently diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's. Neither of them can drive. I have to help them monthly to handle their finances and go to all of their appointments with them now. My mothers doctor said she is in no condition to take care of someone else.
My aunt refuses to go into nursing home. She wants my parents to care for her. She's in rehab now, and we can't make her understand that they can't do it anymore. She won't listen.
All three of them are falling on me in someway or another, since none can drive. I have a family of my own with a child with epilepsy. I've moved so we have room for my parents when they need full time care. I don't think I can take all of them, and my parents are wearing out.
Please tell me what I can do.
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And never fret, they will consult her about it, they won't bodily carry her into a place she hates. But the option of her landing on your parents again won't be available, that's all.
Think very very carefully about caretaking your parents in your home. Can you handle someone 24/7 with dementia. it is far from a walk in the park never mind how much you love them. Can you find a geriatric physiciatist for your aunt who may be able to manage her better. At least while she is in rehab she can't mess with her medications.
You have a son with epilepsy who is your priority so don't short change him and jeapodise his chances for a normal life.
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Don't let your parents fall for it! The strongest case your parents can make to not take your aunt home is NOW. They cannot care for her, and she cannot be released to an unsafe environment. (The medical folks probably think that YOU will take care of her.) Do NOT let them push your aunt off on your aging parents with their own medical issues!
You must listen to the solid advice you are being given here.
Do not pick her up. Do not allow her back to your parents home.
This is an opportunity for you to gain some control of this situation. If you allow her back with parents you will have to wait for another event. You already know she isn't going to leave (your parents) on her own.
Tell the rehab that the social worker needs to come to the rehab now to evaluate her for placement if they want her out in a week. Tell them your parents don't drive and you aren't picking aunt up.
Don't lose this opportunity to make all their lives more manageable.
Of course the facility wants Aunt picked up and removed from their responsibility.
I want all my meals prepared by a professional chef and delivered hot to my home.
As my mother said (as a mantra sometimes), "You can't always get what you want."
Stand firm. Encourage your parents to stand firm. Aunt CANNOT return to their house, for everyone's safety.
And during the assessment, you make clear that the living situation your aunt is so fond of no longer exists on account of the failing health of your parents. Therefore this home, which is your parents' and not your aunt's, is not an option and she can no more be discharged to that address than she can be discharged to the moon.
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