How can l get my mother tested for dementia if she refuses to go to see a doctor for that reason?

Get a video of her behavior, and show it to the doctor.

Do get your mother tested for a urinary tract infection (UTI). Very common, & frequently causes sudden onset of changed behavior in the elderly (to be clear; if these behaviors have been going on for a long time probably does have some level of dementia, but the UTI makes it more obvious).

Good suggestions about making notes of her behavior. I'd create a memo that lists what you are seeing. These things will provide the doctor with info that will let him know what to look for. I took them to the doctor and handed it to her to read, before the appt. Once there, the doctor did a mini eval in the office, in addition to her regular exam. With my LO, it was very obvious and she was diagnosed with significant dementia right then and there. Later, I followed up with a Neurologist to find out what was causing it and to rule out things like tumors.

I don't see any point in saying why she's seeing the doctor. IT could be check up, getting med refill prescription, etc.

I wouldn't focus on her not mentioning your previous conversation again, since, she likely has forgotten about it.

If she truly has dementia don,t tell her why she is going to the Dr that specializes in dementia just say she needs to see the doctor because she needs some RX refilled and her regular doctor retired Then call to explain your situation they deal with this all the time you can set it up to talk to them privately. they can do testing and she wont know the difference.

I suggest you start keeping a diary of observed behaviors, be specific and then make appointment with her primary care dr. Ask for annual physical plus a dementia evaluation (that takes extra time) and send your letter with your diary info to him ahead of time so he has that during exam.

Don't tell mom about the memory test; just physical exam. Dr. can just say, "all patients over 65 are getting the test". Let doctor do the exam and then, likely he will send her to neurologist for follow up. She doesn't have to know what for -- but likely she may refuse to see neurologist -- that was my experience.

Primary care can at least assess the stage of dementia. Frankly, to me it didn't matter. He put mom on Namenda and aricept, which she didn't like, took erratically, and finally gave up. I saw no improvement. I tried to prepare by understanding disease and tried to encourage mom to let me help on finances, bills, getting assistance in help (she refused all) and we went down a long 7-8 yr path of decline. Mom just went into much needed memory care this year.

ONce you have diagnosis - that is small part. You will likely have to decide path forward and prepare. Getting the diagnosis is easy; getting a doctor to sign that mom is incompetent so you can invoke DPOA and make decisions for mom (if she refuses assistance or to move) is the hard part. I couldn't make that happen. Every dr, geriatric psychiatrist, neurologist would just kick the can down the road and refuse to write such a letter on legal grounds. My experience was a nightmare, but an imminent event finally occurred and we were able to get dr to sign.

Dr. may prescribe meds to help with anxiety, delusions, etc. But sometimes these meds can make things worse and they have to be managed -- she has to take at regular intervals, monitor for other interactions, adjust dose, etc. not to mention unpleasant side affects (nausea, dizziness, diarrhea).

Educate yourself, talk to others and try to make a plan for long term.