My brother has agreed to move home to help me take care of my father. We are all in the same house now. He has refused to most anything to help dad or be nice to him. I am wondering how to encourage him to help dad?
You haven't given us any details about what your father's needs are or what you expected from your brother. Brother did move to be with you so he must have been willing to do something, the disconnect seems to be the understanding of what that "something" entails. You need to talk to try to reach a compromise between what you want and what he is willing to give.
An open and candid discussion between you and your brother is necessary. At least to start with, no demands, no "or else" statements, just talk about how you both feel. Move on to how the situation can be improved.
This may have to end with Brother moving out. Or at least paying rent. But explore what is really going on if you can, first. There may be some issues the two of you can resolve.
My first reaction is the same as Hugemom's. But I also think that before making any assumptions, you should ask your brother why he seems unwilling to help when you ask him to. He may be looking at the situation differently than you are. Maybe the situation is not what he expected when he agreed to come. Maybe he's reacting badly to your father's needs or your requests for help. Maybe he's unsure of where he fits in since you've been handling all Dad's needs up to this point. Sit him down and ask him.
I don’t understand why your brother agreed to move into the house with you and your dad and then refused to help. Is brother on a free ride there? If so, you may want to let him know that he’s NOT on a free ride, and unless he starts helping out he will be told to move out.
Understand that you cannot force someone to help if they don't want to. And, I would be concerned for your dad’s well-being if you leave him alone with Brother. If Dad and Brother never had the best of relationships, Brother may choose this opportunity to be less than loving with Dad if you know what I mean.
Talk frankly with Brother and tell him if he doesn’t want to help you, would he contribute financially to paying a caregiver? If he says no to that, then tell him he has to help you. He doesn’t have to be hands-on with Dad all the time. He can wash dishes, do laundry, clean house, etc. if he refuses again, tell him you will help him pack.
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This may have to end with Brother moving out. Or at least paying rent. But explore what is really going on if you can, first. There may be some issues the two of you can resolve.
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Understand that you cannot force someone to help if they don't want to. And, I would be concerned for your dad’s well-being if you leave him alone with Brother. If Dad and Brother never had the best of relationships, Brother may choose this opportunity to be less than loving with Dad if you know what I mean.
Talk frankly with Brother and tell him if he doesn’t want to help you, would he contribute financially to paying a caregiver? If he says no to that, then tell him he has to help you. He doesn’t have to be hands-on with Dad all the time. He can wash dishes, do laundry, clean house, etc. if he refuses again, tell him you will help him pack.