I am the oldest of four and I do 90% of work, including all financial and health. It seems like my younger sister intentionally misunderstands what I say and acts like I'm telling her what to do. How do I handle this?

Annabelle - I am so sorry you are having difficulty communicating with your sister.

I think if you are doing 90% of the work, you are entitled to run the ship as you see fit and it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job.

When siblings live hours away, they do not realize how stressful the caregiving job is. They also believe every word the elderly parent with dementia tells them and they act on it. I have gone through this with a sibling who lives across the state. She constantly tells me I am WRONG and that is not what mother told HER. So much confusion.

Managing an elderly is hard on all families. Some are better equipped to handle caregiving and POA duties and others may not be there physically but could help monetarily or come visit for a week and give you a vacation.

Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers.

Feel for you. There is always one family member like this. Its really hard to text and get across how u feel. Maybe a phone call would be better. Say ur sorry if you are coming across bossy u don't mean to. Tell her you just trying to explain that Mom, with Dementia, is no longer able to reason. She is in her own little world and as such believes what she says. My Mom thought I was lying about a baby in the AL. She kept looking for it because she heard it crying. They are delusional, paranoid and have hullucinations. I too am the oldest of four. I too took care of everything. My brothers were happy to let me handle everything. No complaints, TG. I too cleaned out a farm house. Now I am getting ready to go to probate. The only thing Mom has is a 125 yr old farm house that is falling apart and sits on wetlands. Its been up for sale for over two years.

Sister is 10 years younger - I am the oldest of four and I do 90% of work including all financial and health - medical etc- get 10% help from 2 others but the one that is youngest lives across country- I think she intentionally thinks I am bossing her around- she will say “mom says” and of course mom has dementia- and I will just conversationally text supportive conversation and add about just redirecting- I try to be conversational - I don’t know what else to say as I am tired- estate sale over weekend and trying to clean up house that is 4 hours away from 3 of us- and mom close to us now in memory care- I feel that all of them kinda look at me like bossy but again- I do 90% work and hard to get a lot of help- tired

Oh dear, this sounds tricky.

Would you like to say a little more about the context in which this is happening? What are you and your sister each doing in terms of caregiving, and what are the misunderstandings about mainly?