My mom needs a nursing home but won't because of the unknown roommate. Any advice?

What sort of assessment was carried out the last time your mother was discharged from rehab?

If a hospital admission happens again, that will be your opportunity to stand firm and say that with three hospital admissions within six months there is clear evidence that your mother cannot be cared for safely at her home and must be admitted to long term care.

Given that there are recognised emotional and perhaps psychiatric difficulties too, I don't think you'll get very far trying to make your mother happy about this decision. She's unhappy, period. Your health and mental welfare being sacrificed is not going to change that or benefit her. She needs more care than you can provide, and that's the fact of it - but she doesn't have to like it. The 'fear of roommate' thing sounds like a bit of a red herring, I doubt if it's the real obstacle; but if you think it might help you can go through the NH's policy on ensuring that residents sharing a space are well-matched, or at least not bothering one another.

Meanwhile, do you already have a specific nursing home in mind? Are you in contact with them? Because their admissions team will have a lot of experience in helping new residents and their families to adjust to the change and could be a useful source of advice.

Thank you. Yes my plate is quite full as for sleep its bn awhile

Nervous24hours, my gosh you have your plate full. When was the last time you had a good night sleep?

When my Mom was in rehab and then later moved to long-term-care, both of her roommates were excellent. Both would buzz the nurse whenever my Mom was falling out of bed [Mom forgot she couldn't walk].

i don't know if you can convince Mom that there could be a chance that when she goes into "continuing care" [don't call it a nursing home in front of Mom], that her roommate would be great. Her next best friend forever. And a roommate who needs someone that roommate can talk to, so your Mom would be helping that person out by being her friend.

And if the roommate isn't a good match, Mom might be able to move to another room. No one is going to be perfect, so Mom will need to give a little.

Well my mom has copd, chf, diabetes, spinal stenosis, and that's the big ones. She has had to be picked up off the floor twice by me recently. Had two recent rehab stints cause she almost died twice. Once because of respiratory failure and once because of sepsis. I have back injuries of my own So picking her up has been painful. And she has bn trying to use me to replace my father. She has a very unhealthy attachment that I can't explain. But she wants me to be my dad. Then also after the sepsis she has begun showing signs of dementia.

Please tell us more about your mom’s health problems and do you have family to help ...

Have you checked into hospice for her ? I understand your pain , my mom was admitted into a nursing home and she just wasn’t being cared for I took her out and signed her ama and glad she’s back home ..that’s the short version ..you can go back and read on my posts...her roommate in that horrible nursing home was bad also ..and at home she has her own room and nice bed , I’m a RN and also specializes in rehab nursing so she has everything the nursing home has ..and better care ...you may also want to check into care giver services for Medicaid ..the home based care giver waver ....I got 35 hours a week for Mom. Plus there is also free vouchers you can get from the Alzehemiers Association...I’m glad I took Mom home .the nursing home traumatized me and her she’s doing great at home ...she came home with pneumonia...and her primary care physician put her on levaquin ...no one noticed that in the nursing home ...ughh but I did .....anyway there are many good nursing homes out there ...please be sure you check carefully each one and check their ratings ...my story is a long one ,,,but be careful ...as for my mom. She will no longer go to a nursing home I will find a way to keep her home ...her roommate screamed all night and had diarrhea ughhhhh...so I understand your worry ..God Bless you and lots of love headed your way ....

I wonder if you could get her to go for a temporary respite stay, it would give you a badly needed break and allow her to "test the water" without having to make a full commitment. Have you found a place you like?

I sympathise with the cold dread of going into your mother's bedroom every morning and checking first that she is breathing. It's a nightmare.

Could you say a little more about your mother's care needs, and especially these recent problems?