Help! Mother is very abusive...

Debra, getting older is no fun especially when so many things are now out of reach. Gone are the days that your Mom could hop in the car and drive to the mall. Bet her friends have either moved or had passed away. She probably can't see as well, nor hear well, and food no longer taste as good. Thus, Mom is scared about her own future that she can only think of herself, and what is next.

Ok, now that you have a better understanding why Mom isn't a happy camper, as Barb had mentioned above, have Mom checked for the UTI, that could make a world of difference.

One thing I don't like is how your Mom is blackmailing you by saying she will sell the house, which she has in Trust for you, if you should put her into a "home". Well, down the road Mom may have to sell the house to get the equity to help pay for her senior care facility. Or if Mom gets Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] that is a whole other ball game.

As for your brother doing nothing, sometimes that is just how some families operate. It's the daughters who do all the caregiving. I know it isn't fair, and hopefully the next generation will make it equal caregiving. Brother doesn't need to be hands-on, he could at least take Mom to some appointments, if he lives nearby. Or take over the financials if he has financial Power of Attorney.

Get her tested for a Urinary Tract Infection if this is a sudden change in mental status. Take her to the ER, today.

Debra--
I am sorry for your situation. Can you share a little more with us so we can get a handle on what is going on with your mother's health? This isn't "normal" by any means, so she probably has some serious health issues herself. Come back and fill us in on more than "she's mean". (Yes, life is much more important than being miserable and scared all the time!)