When your loved one is told to go on hospice what would you do? Should you accept the facts that nothing can be done or would you still try and find ways to bring them back to health?
I am presently exploring the options. With a terminal illness, at some point, you have to consider quality of life and how much continuing to treat recurring problems. My LO has severe, end stage dementia. The infections are recurring, repeated ER visits, total disorientation, etc. This past week in the ER, she went through a lot of pain with trying to get veins, drawing urine from her bladder, scans, etc. I kept asking the doctor, what are we doing? I want her to be comfortable, but, it seems that continuing to go down this road is not keeping her comfortable. So, I'm going to explore the options.
I don't see this as giving up. The body seems to be saying what is happening. I want to make sure that we are listening.
What life- limiting conditon does your loved one suffer from, Nikki?
For many conditions, there are clinical trials that may hold out the hope of a couple of extra months of life, but when you are talking about extending life by less than a year, you really need to look at the QUALITY of the person's life during that treatment, which may cause terribly unpleasant side effects.
Hospice isn't giving up, in my book. Hospice is embracing comfort for the patient at the end of a life that is limited by the ravages of an incurable disease. Better to die comfortably, if you are going to die, than in agony and terror.
How realistic is it that you or anyone will find "ways to bring them back to health"? Does your loved one want to endure the trial and error or is this what you want?
Nikki, life itself is a terminal disease - that is, we are all going to die. You need not feel that you owe him to get him well, when doctors have said that that is not going to happen, and can offer (maybe) only experimental options that too often just cause more suffering. If you and he can spend this time with each other then I don't see a need to discuss death if he is not ready. But don't feel guilty because you cannot do the impossible. Life and death are what they are.
I guess it depends if you trust the doctor who suggested hospice or not. If not I would ask for a second opinion. Having a loved one approach the end of their life is very difficult. There may be nothing that can be done to halt his diseases and improve his health.
"I feel like I owe it to him to get him well." Dear one, we do not have that kind of power. People get old, sick and pass on. It is part of the cycle of life. It might help you to see a grief counsellor about this. My heart goes out to you as you are so obviously very distressed. ((((((hugs)))))) This is a very painful time, I know. The best you may be able to do is just be there with him, make the time as good as possible, let him know you love him.
Generally speaking, Hospice is used when further curative procedures would be in vain or cause more suffering than cure. A doctor must order Hospice and the patient or guardian or poa must accept admittance to Hospice.
My personal opinion, I feel we see far too many families insist on life prolonging procedures when it’s obvious there is no quality of life or hope for a cure.
This is tough territory. You’ll likely get more comments on this thread. Good luck to,you.
When someone is offered Hospice, it is generally b/c they have no more options of a "cure". They are ready to die. Everyone will die--if we can allow them the option of a pain and drama free death, why not?
We followed daddy's lead. When he was ready--he just quit eating and drinking. Hospice was a godsend and allowed him the dignified end he wished for. Would I have wanted him kept alive with feeding tubes, Iv's and such for just a few more months? Absolutely not. He had Parkinson's---a horrible way to live.
Mother's doctor wanted Mother placed on Hospice because he said"I didn't know you were doing everything by yourself" and he wanted to get me some help with Mother.Well,I thought Hospice meant The End and she would be gone soon,but God had another plan and she was such a fighter,she lived another 3 and a half years ON Hospice...so a doctor might think they know a person has little time,but they can be proved wrong.Maybe her doctor is trying to get you all some help.Hospice was helpful and brought all her supplies and ordered her medicine and sent nurse and a bathaid,etc. to our home and made things alittle easier that way..... I don't think it's giving up,but probably bringing your Mother comfort and you,a little help.Take good care Nikki whatever you decide. Lu
From my understanding... and it's minimal, I am new to caregiving, but for the most part, hospice is suggest as a final and last resort. I am sure that if there was something that could/should be done, they would be suggesting that.
Nikki, You didn't mention what your loved one is suffering from, how long s/he has been sick, how old s/he is, etc. Is this the first time you have been told of your LO's decline? Have you gotten a second opinion? How does your LO feel about going on hospice? Is s/he mentally competent to make that choice?
If s/he has been dealing with a long standing illness and treatment hasn't worked so far or if your LO is very old, weak and unable to regain health, it may be time to "let nature take its course". This would be a good time for hospice.
If your LO is normally in good health but has become sick lately, a second opinion would be valuable. You would need to find a different doctor who believes your LO would benefit from treatments.
Please make sure you talk with hospice and understand what you are getting into. Hospice does not support life 'extending' treatment, instead they focus on the patient's comfort as they near the end of their lives. If you and your LO want to try treatment to bring him/her back to health, don't choose hospice. If your family member doesn't want further tests, treatments, procedures, surgeries, etc. then hospice is the best choice.
If it's their time, nothing you try or do will "bring them back to health". Death is an inevitable part of life.
13 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
I don't see this as giving up. The body seems to be saying what is happening. I want to make sure that we are listening.
For many conditions, there are clinical trials that may hold out the hope of a couple of extra months of life, but when you are talking about extending life by less than a year, you really need to look at the QUALITY of the person's life during that treatment, which may cause terribly unpleasant side effects.
Hospice isn't giving up, in my book. Hospice is embracing comfort for the patient at the end of a life that is limited by the ravages of an incurable disease. Better to die comfortably, if you are going to die, than in agony and terror.
ADVERTISEMENT
"I feel like I owe it to him to get him well." Dear one, we do not have that kind of power. People get old, sick and pass on. It is part of the cycle of life. It might help you to see a grief counsellor about this. My heart goes out to you as you are so obviously very distressed. ((((((hugs)))))) This is a very painful time, I know. The best you may be able to do is just be there with him, make the time as good as possible, let him know you love him.
My personal opinion, I feel we see far too many families insist on life prolonging procedures when it’s obvious there is no quality of life or hope for a cure.
This is tough territory. You’ll likely get more comments on this thread. Good luck to,you.
We followed daddy's lead. When he was ready--he just quit eating and drinking. Hospice was a godsend and allowed him the dignified end he wished for. Would I have wanted him kept alive with feeding tubes, Iv's and such for just a few more months? Absolutely not. He had Parkinson's---a horrible way to live.
I don't think it's giving up,but probably bringing your Mother comfort and you,a little help.Take good care Nikki whatever you decide. Lu
You didn't mention what your loved one is suffering from, how long s/he has been sick, how old s/he is, etc.
Is this the first time you have been told of your LO's decline? Have you gotten a second opinion? How does your LO feel about going on hospice? Is s/he mentally competent to make that choice?
If s/he has been dealing with a long standing illness and treatment hasn't worked so far or if your LO is very old, weak and unable to regain health, it may be time to "let nature take its course". This would be a good time for hospice.
If your LO is normally in good health but has become sick lately, a second opinion would be valuable. You would need to find a different doctor who believes your LO would benefit from treatments.
Please make sure you talk with hospice and understand what you are getting into. Hospice does not support life 'extending' treatment, instead they focus on the patient's comfort as they near the end of their lives. If you and your LO want to try treatment to bring him/her back to health, don't choose hospice. If your family member doesn't want further tests, treatments, procedures, surgeries, etc. then hospice is the best choice.
If it's their time, nothing you try or do will "bring them back to health".
Death is an inevitable part of life.
See All Answers