Having a parent live with you; advice about bringing father in law to live with us?
We are at a crossroads. Father in law is in hospital and may not be able to return to living alone in his house. Advice about bringing him to live with us?
Deanne, before you make a final decision, please read this article. It will help you decide if having a parent living with you is a good choice or not.
Great points to consider above. I think that often it really boils down to personalities, temperament, and need. I'd make sure you have a good idea of what his needs are going to be, because, I often read how the adult child and spouse are not prepared to care for a senior by preparing regular meals, cleaning after them, transporting them, and mostly entertaining them. It seems so hard to maintain your own privacy as a couple. Will FIL mind watching tv alone or must you always include him? I can see how it might be touchy.
But, for the right people, I think it works. I'd keep in mind that once things are set up, it's awkward to have to change your mind, because feelings can get hurt.
If there is any chance of cognitive decline, I'd really research, because then you may have to deal with a person who disrupts your household, has no filters and rejects help that he needs.
There are a few questions to ask yourselves before you commit to having him live with you. Do you all get along with him? Is he easy-going or difficult and demanding? Will the whole family pitch in, especially your spouse? Would he be alone during the day if you work full time? Would he accept a hired caregiver? Can you handle caring for things such as bathing him and toileting should it become necessary? Can you keep up with his meds and other health needs he might have? Is there enough room in your home for everyone to have their own space? Are there other sibs who can and would give you a break when asked? Do you have Power of Attorney? What will you do with Dad’s house? Most importantly, how does Dad feel about it? Where does he want to go? Good luck in making your decision.
What put FIL in the hospital, and will he be going to rehab afterwards, to get back his strength, get some therapy and evaluation so that he can do better, wherever he ends up?
What is your and your family's relationship with him like? Everyone loves to visit him and kids enjoy his company. You and your spouse consider him to be a delightful person and he's always flexible and easy-going? And grateful for what others do for him?
How much are you a person who needs "alone" time? Are you a person who just loves having company all the time? How are you about privacy?
Are you (and FIL) willing to say "let's give this a chance and if it doesn't work out, we'll figure out plan B"? Is he willing to enter into a caregiving contract with you so that who pays for what (room, board, caregiving, food, extra electrity, water, respite care for when you go on vacation, regular caregivers to give you a break on a regular basis)?
Is there any sign of dementia or cognitive decline? Does he have a progressive condition, like Parkinson's?
These are the questions you need to ask yourself and your spouse.
Just remember, this is a choice. There is no "you have to, you owe me", or "he has no place else to go". Talk to the discharge planners and the hospital and make the best plan for everyone.
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https://www.agingcare.com/articles/deal-with-caregiving-changing-your-life-139977.htm
But, for the right people, I think it works. I'd keep in mind that once things are set up, it's awkward to have to change your mind, because feelings can get hurt.
If there is any chance of cognitive decline, I'd really research, because then you may have to deal with a person who disrupts your household, has no filters and rejects help that he needs.
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What put FIL in the hospital, and will he be going to rehab afterwards, to get back his strength, get some therapy and evaluation so that he can do better, wherever he ends up?
What is your and your family's relationship with him like? Everyone loves to visit him and kids enjoy his company. You and your spouse consider him to be a delightful person and he's always flexible and easy-going? And grateful for what others do for him?
How much are you a person who needs "alone" time? Are you a person who just loves having company all the time? How are you about privacy?
Are you (and FIL) willing to say "let's give this a chance and if it doesn't work out, we'll figure out plan B"? Is he willing to enter into a caregiving contract with you so that who pays for what (room, board, caregiving, food, extra electrity, water, respite care for when you go on vacation, regular caregivers to give you a break on a regular basis)?
Is there any sign of dementia or cognitive decline? Does he have a progressive condition, like Parkinson's?
These are the questions you need to ask yourself and your spouse.
Just remember, this is a choice. There is no "you have to, you owe me", or "he has no place else to go". Talk to the discharge planners and the hospital and make the best plan for everyone.