What determines if my mom needs to go into assisted living?
My mother's POA (the oldest child) wants our mother to go into assisted living. My mother has stated she is not ready for assisted living and wants to stay in her home. What can I do to help honor my mother's wishes?
Thank you again for your responses. My mother saw her MD today and after talking to her I was invited in for a summery of her consult. The MD did write her a letter saying she is able to make all decisions for herself related to her health and well being. He did suggest we do a home safety evaluation with an occupational therapy and a life alert button and i will follow up with that. One thing I know for sure my mother has gained her confidence back. Thank you again for your support.
Job not wanted....hostile take over... Mom can and should get new POA before it is too late. That time is before she cannot make wise decisions on her own behalf. Before the doctor or POA has her declared incompetent to handle her own affairs.
There are huge differences between needing help and being incompetent.
Your Mom has the help to be active, does not sound incompetent.
If she is mentally capable of making her own decisions, your sibling cannot force her into assisted living, lawyer or no lawyer. BTW, Mom can revoke the POA at any time if she's of sound mind.
Thank you for you replies. My mother is active with the senior group in her community, does her own cooking, cleaning(with a lady who comes in monthly to do chores she can not do) everything is on one floor:bedroom, bath, laundry, ect. Two of us siblings are there to visit almost daily and do chores like garbage, light bulb changing ect. The POA does not include other siblings on her decion makings. POA has made it clear it is a job not wanted. My mother does have MD appointment to discuss with him this decion POA made. POA told mom she will get a lawyer if she refuses to go into assisted living.
You can have her doctor evaluate her for staying in her own home. The doctor can recommend, and write his recommendations in a letter for POA to read. You can keep the lines of communication open between you and the eldest. Work with POA. You can advocate for Mom, look at what is best for her, be on her side, make recommendations, visit her, and as Blannie said, do things that she needs to remain home safely (or hire to have those things done)
Starting with a housekeeper, even a live-in housekeeper can delay a move to AL.
Good answer Blannie, because Snowball can see a lot of what is involved to keep her Mom at home. What does the eldest use as rationale for moving Mom to AL? (against her will). Does Mom have finances to pay for at home care, or does she have a caseworker and Medicaid (IHSP) who can send out home care workers? Maybe Mom may want to move to AL in the future. If she wants, you can explore good options at anytime, then move her in the future. Is Mom in danger living alone at home? The other side of the situation is, does POA have any interest in Mom's home, or selling it?
Do what your mom needs to stay in her home. Probably help to get her dressed, buying her food, fixing her meals, getting her to the bathroom, doing her laundry, fixing her meds, paying her bills, taking her to the doctor, taking her garbage out, changing her lightbulbs, changing her sheets, and on and on and on. If you're not willing or able to do those things, then your oldest sibling probably has the right idea about mom going into assisted living.
It's a rare parent who realizes the amount of help they need and willingly agree to that level of care. They want to keep things as they are. It's us caregivers who jump through hoops making ourselves nuts trying to honor their wishes. Maybe your mom is different, but you have to tell us more about her situation to get more specific answers.
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Mom can and should get new POA before it is too late.
That time is before she cannot make wise decisions on her own behalf.
Before the doctor or POA has her declared incompetent to handle her own affairs.
There are huge differences between needing help and being incompetent.
Your Mom has the help to be active, does not sound incompetent.
What is with the POA, in your opinion?
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The doctor can recommend, and write his recommendations in a letter for POA to read.
You can keep the lines of communication open between you and the eldest. Work with POA.
You can advocate for Mom, look at what is best for her, be on her side, make recommendations, visit her, and as Blannie said, do things that she needs to remain home safely (or hire to have those things done)
Starting with a housekeeper, even a live-in housekeeper can delay a move to AL.
What does the eldest use as rationale for moving Mom to AL? (against her will).
Does Mom have finances to pay for at home care, or does she have a caseworker and Medicaid (IHSP) who can send out home care workers?
Maybe Mom may want to move to AL in the future. If she wants, you can explore good options at anytime, then move her in the future.
Is Mom in danger living alone at home?
The other side of the situation is, does POA have any interest in Mom's home, or selling it?
It's a rare parent who realizes the amount of help they need and willingly agree to that level of care. They want to keep things as they are. It's us caregivers who jump through hoops making ourselves nuts trying to honor their wishes. Maybe your mom is different, but you have to tell us more about her situation to get more specific answers.