Etiquette on bereavement issue question.

I appreciate all of your information. I have already bought it, so, I may go ahead and send it. I actually, have a meeting with the daughter next week, so.....we'll see.

I don't worry about etiquette any more. When someone I know well dies I write to anyone I think might need the tiny bit of comfort, including any long term paid caregivers. I don't think you can overdo it.

Dear Sunnygirl,

Speaking for myself, when my father passed, I appreciated all the cards received. I don't think it would hurt but only if you want to. I was so grateful for the kind words, kind gestures during such a raw time. I don't think friends or family can overdue it, any expression would be appreciated.

It's never inappropriate to send a thoughtfully chosen card.

Speaking for myself, though, what I appreciated most were the letters. Don't worry about doing that because you've already spoken personally to the family so just a card is fine. All I mean is never mind the pictures or the floral arrangements, people's thoughts and recollections meant more.

Taking this a bit further, if there are children and or grandchildren, send a card to them too.

When my Granny died, no one acknowledged my grief, only Mum's.

When a friend's sil died, I sent a card to my friend and had the florist at the grocery store make up a gift basket with kids in mind for her two sons, who had lost their auntie.

I was the only one who acknowledged the children's grief.

Personally, if I attend the viewing or funeral I do not send a card. Only if I couldn't attend. They will receive the book you sign going in. This shows them who attended.

IMO, any and all expressions of sympathy are always welcome. It would not be in poor taste to have spoken face to face then send a card. Quite the reverse. A card is a tangible thing to add to a collection specifically for the departed love done.
You can leave it at that or, if the families are very close, a casserole, salad and biscuits would be a nice gesture to relieve the grieving, weary people the added burden to have to cook too.

I agree that a card is always appreciated. And I agree with whirled. Flower arrangements, goodie baskets etc at the house I so appreciated when my son died. I kept the vases and baskets.

And also, I may be in the minority, but I GREATLY appreciated the flower arrangements that people sent directly to us.

I think a card is always appropriate. I appreciate all that cards we've received recently. I agree that in the stress of a funeral, you don't always remember who you've spoken with. A card is something that you can read later on, and they do bring comfort IMHO.

I'm not sure what the protocol is, but I don't think that cards are ever unwanted at the time of someone's death. Over the years I've seen that it seems to depend more on the individual; some people don't send cards any more, but others do.

You raise an interesting question. When close relatives died over the last decade, I don't even recall if I did send cards. We were in contact so much, that I might have just expressed my sympathy verbally, as at that time it was more appropriate for the grieving survivors.

I think a card would be a very nice gesture even though you’ve expressed your condolences in other ways. My mom, grandma and MIL kept any card they’d ever gotten. When we were going through MIL’s things we found congratulatory cards from when FIL was born!

In the stress of funerals and wakes, the family truly may not remember who was at the wake and/or funeral. But a card is a physical reminder.