I believe my sister is living her life in pure happiness. After putting our father in a memory center. It was against him and myself. Never would I want this for him. Quit my job was willing to take care of plus have help. Nope, she wasn’t having any of that happen. She’s POA and has used it to her advantage. Cliquey with the staff and she’s in heaven. Me on the other hand can’t visit no more than twice a week for one hour visits. She has something to do with this. It breaks my heart that I can’t see my own father more. These are special moments we have to share and they have been wiped from me. I don’t know if I have it in me to forgive her....and yes I know it’s the proper thing to do.... I really don’t know if I can.... I’m devasted over this...
3 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
I assume that as well as financial POA your sister has medical POA, right? That is what would allow her to make health care decisions.
Why have you been restricted to limited visiting hours? Has your father been disturbed by your visits or upset after you leave? Do you talk to him about trying to get him out of there? Do you talk against your sister? What have your visits been like in the past?
Could you have a meeting with the Memory Care staff (maybe DON and Social Worker) and your sister, and ask what you can do or change in order to visit more often? There must be a reason, or at least an excuse, to keep you away. If they say it really upsets your father when you do X, maybe if you agreed not to do X they would be more liberal with the visiting hours.
How often would you like to visit him? How long seems reasonable to you?
How often did you visit Dad when he was still at home?
As for forgiveness, everyone always thinks that forgiveness is this feeling that will suddenly wash over you. It doesn't work like that. It's a choice you make and if you are not ready to make it, and it sounds to me like you aren't then just don't. Do it when you are ready. I know with me and my resentment I've had with my siblings, it's a work in progress.
ADVERTISEMENT
Sorry for the loss of time with your father.
It is going to take some time for things to change.
I can understand you need to forgive, but give yourself a break in the meantime, don't torture yourself over forgiveness, when you may still be in shock this has happened.
Give time to have the truth reveal itself fully.