My sister-in-law does not want to bring my brother home from sub-acute rehab. Can she abandon him there?

Often on AC you will see many of us recommend for a caregiver refuse to bring a loved one home. This is in cases where the care necessary for the loved one has become too difficult for us to do and is impacting our own health and lives. It is a very difficult decision to make. But, we cannot care for others unless we care for ourselves first.

What are your brothers health issues? Are there funds available to hire assistance for your SIL to provide care at home? How is SIL's health? What other responsibilities does she have? What help is in place? Do other family members offer help and support to SIL?

Also, he can't stay in any sort of rehab indefinitely, can he, by definition; so this is necessarily a temporary situation. Would you like to say a little more about what your brother's care needs are and what you think ought to be happening?

Abandon is a strong word.

Does she feel unable to care for him at home? Is she working with the facility to find long term care for him?

Yes, rehab is temporary. Medicare only pays 100 percent the first 20days and only 50percent the next 80. After that its private pay. Maybe SIL has made plans to transfer him to LTC after rehab.

Hi. Thank everyone for their comments. My SIL was avoiding family and social work at the facility. She finally was transparent and stated she could not take care of her husband. The facility is working on placing him. I know abandon is a strong word but I was concerned why she was not forthright with anyone. It is a lot to care for someone.

Your poor SIL was probably going through the mill trying to make that decision, perhaps that's why she couldn't face anyone for the time being do you think? I'm glad communication is back on track now, and hope there will be a good outcome for everybody. Please let us know how it goes. Are you okay?

Hi Countrymouse and everyone. Thank you for your concern and feedback. It has been a lot of back and forth. I am not sure why she was avoiding everyone. It did cause a bit of anxiety but at least there is a plan in progress.

Some people shut down when they are overwhelmed. Maybe she "internalizes" problems.

Maybe she thought it was her responsibility to care for him but knew she knew she wouldn't be able to handle it.

Maybe she was feeling guilty for needing to put her husband in a nursing home.

Maybe she felt his family would hate her or, at the very least, look down on her. (Look at your choice of words as her SIL-"abandon".)

Maybe she needed to gather options and vent to her family, friends or others about what she should do.

Everyone has their own way of handling situations. Thankfully she opened up.