How to deal with a narcissistic sister co-executor that won’t move on the information needed to settle the estate?

If your co-executor, I’m assuming that court has issued Letters Testamentary so probate is open. If so, here’s my suggestions:
- I’d look on line as to how you file charges against an atty for not doing stuff. Like the state bar Association should have a list of steps to resolve atty - client disputes. Like for TX, you have to do a set series of demand letters (certified or Fed Ex) within certain timeframes. Then if no response, you file a complaint with State Bar. Which for TX triggers a staffer from State Bar to contact the atty. TX state Bar has an internal system they do. So then if still not resolved you file a formal complaint. Now Sissys not an atty but using the state system as your timeframe shows you are trying to meet state standards for settling disputes.

So I’d do the 2 or 3 certified letters asking Sis’s specific things you need or she needs to do. Letter needs to be pinpointed specific too. Then after the last certified done and still no response, you ask for an “in chambers” meeting with staff atty for probate court. Hopefully they contact Sissy and if still no response, court removes sissy from coxecutor. It’s only you and you as executor get whatever documentation needed to finish probate & do distribution. Remember to file for all your costs to be executor..... mailings, mileage, if you have to travel out of town then whatever is the federal per diem for this city. It will add up......

Try to find out if probate is required to be wrapped up by a certain date for your state. If so and it’s nearing, you need to get on all this ASAP. Good luck.

I agree that its time to talk to a lawyer. Four years is too long. She can be removed as a Co-Executor by a judge.

This is why you don't assign two executors. I agree, its time for a lawyer.

I would hire an attorney and have them deal with her. I would first send her a message that if you are forced to hire an attorney because she will not cooperate, the total cost of the attorney will be deducted completely from her share of the estate settlement.

Talking money at people usually gets a response.

My own half sister did not respond. Ever. Turns out she is deceased! She never told anyone about her family so they had no idea who to contact.

This poor relationship of "not talking" has gone on for at least 4 years, right?

Sis HAS to share this info with you as co-executor. If she won't TALK to you, how about emailing her? Texting? My sibs and kids don't answer my phone calls, but will respond to a text or email.

Keep it cordial, not threatening (although you may feel like biting her head off!!) Then she can be cooperative and not defensive. I'm dealing with a brother in a somewhat similar situation and at the least hint of "criticism" he turns tail and runs. Tread gently.

Perhaps, she is having a hard time dealing with dad's death. Paying off bills and doing past taxes are depressingly final things to deal with.

Good Luck.

What sort of conversations, if any, have you managed to have with your sister/co-executor (what a nightmare for you) about this? Does she show any awareness that eventually any music there is to be faced will indeed have to be faced?