Do you let a dementia patient do any banking and how?

She wants to do what's familiar to her. My Mother was best friends with her bank lady. She feels like shes losing her ability to care for herself, and that at her age who should tell her she can't go to the bank. I would suggest, take her let her chat and talk to the bank staff prior to the visit. If you have power of attorney then let her tell them what to move around or do and if you don't agree just tell them not to do it. A wink to someone in the know goes a long way. They can give her anything to sign to appease her. It's a small thing to give her joy in her final stage of life.

As you said...it is no longer your responsibility.....so let it be..my mom would get stuck, an divert her attention without to much talk..what does she enjoy, music, books she can listen to, my mom enjoyed going back in time & talking about her family even when she did not know me, an l always told her how much these family members loved her...things l didn't know anything about. Yes it made me a liar....but my job as a care giver was to make her as comfortable, an happy, safe, as l would a child. At the end of life, mom still knew my 3 siblings, but not me, she knew me as the hired help...an said l was her best friend & she loved me an wanted to go were l go..l told her she was my best friend &l loved her & was going to walk her to heavens door, an did. When our loved ones are sick, it is so easy to get lost in what is important. The best to you. In my faith l want to wish you the best, God Bless you & you are in my prayers in your journey.💝

@Myheartisbroken that is what she needs I think. Hopefully we can accomplish that at least occasionally.

There is a point at which appeasement is everything. The things you say and do will not be remembered but will save everyone's sanity for the moment. That is very important. So, we appease.

Myheartisbroken (so sorry about that, honey), is on the right track. One wonders at the same time how much time the bankers have and how patient they are. How about creating a Budget and/or Chart for your mom so that she can (at home) "organize her money." Bring her deposit and withdrawal slips to "organize" and "play" with.

Just keep the word "appeasement" foremost in your mind. It works. My poor mom is so far gone now that we have to tell her every day that her mom and dad are coming to get her "tomorrow." She is then appeased, content, happy.

Good luck!

It sounds like you and your brother do not have financial power of attorney. I would ask an estate lawyer to see what your other options are. Banking will not be the only thing you need to worry about. There are other financial matters/responsibilities that you have to take over. She can be easily scammed by friends, neighbors, relatives, and even the nice lady at the bank. With the lawyer and doctor, she might be convinced to make you her financial PoA and your life would be much less aggravating. If you wait too long and her condition gets worse (and it will!), it will be much more difficult and expensive to gain financial poa. Good luck.

Tell her it's a bank holiday and her branch is closed, but let's make a list of what instructions she wants to give them "for later".

I'm sorry. I know this must get very wearing. My mother went through a phase of worrying about how she was to manage her money, several times a day, long after my Sister had taken up her financial POA duties. I came to think it was a generalised anxiety expressed through this one topic, on a loop.

Forget appeasement. Forget nice. For the sake of your sanity, on no account allow your mom to do more than file bank statements at home or be able to use one bank account, entirely separate from the rest of her finances, funded by tiny monthly standing order, to give her some pocket money to play with. 

My dear  AL friend, for whom I have proxy, used to work in a bank and so  a few years ago, in her early stages of dementia with her familiar but generally absent bank manager seeing nothing wrong, the bank counter staff believed her over me and they stupidly helped her to empty out several of her savings accounts (holding thousands) to pay scammers before I took my friend to a local judge to stop it all. There was even an unauthorised overdraft that her cousin paid off and she had to pay back from her pension.

So be firm - your brother is absolutely right -  and just ignore your mother's pleas. "Participation" is all very well in theory and in nice fluffy articles "how to assist your loved one to get through current difficulties" - but in practice, it's a total no no . 

My mother is whispering to my daughter that she wants a ride to the bank. We give her cash (dollar bills as she’s in AL) and she ‘loses it’ which means it’s stashed somewhere in her living area. My daughter doesn’t want to get dragged into a scene at the bank. I guess we’ll put her off as long as we can. I suspect she’s saving up to buy a car and drive away. She believes she can drive! She’s lost most of her mobility and a good portion of her reasoning as well!
~sigh~

My mom used to do her banking online until it frustrated her because she forgot how to log in. I solved the problem by pretending to log in on my phone when in reality I was just showing her a photo of her bank balance in her accounts. This worked. She no longer asks about her money, banking or anything else for that matter. I have my name on the account and have POA over everything so this was never an issue.

I stopped taking my mom to the bank. She kept losing bank cards, identification cards, the works. She "remembers" the bank tellers where she lived in SC and so confuses them with MD bank tellers. She was so "clutchy" with her money, I had to bring in all reinforcements just to get her to do the POA so I can handle her finances. She had many outstanding bills. She believed that her money is for her to squander, now that she was retired, not to pay for a caregiver. I am her daughter and should pay for the caregiver. Just the other day, somehow, she found an old bank statement and called the bank and was told she had less than what she thought was in there. When I got home from work it was over for me! So to reduce the anxiety for her, and keep peace in my home, I just change the subject when she mentions the bank and remind her that anything that she needs, she has. No worries, she's blessed to not have to carry money around and keep up with it. She mumbles, but soon forgets, only to mention within another week or so.