Mom has stage 5 Parkinson's and is on Medicaid, currently living with Dad. If Dad is gone, can she go to nursing home?

Thank you all. I am in a tough situation. Dad has CKD and has been on dialysis for several years. He recently was hospitalized due to infection. So as far as his prognosis, we are not sure.

Mom refused to go to NH. Last time she ended there because of her severe fall, but he managed to guilt dad into letting her out. (Dad is the enabler). My mom cannot stand for a minute without falling, but she believes she is 100% capable to be on her own. (While dad is still hospitalized, her sister flew in to stay with mom to help --- just to let my mom kick her out because auntie tried to stop mom driving the car out.)

To answer the question: they were renting, but were forced to move out. With no income except SS, they couldn't get another apartment. They asked me to help. I ended up getting them a tiny condo with the money I was trying to save up for my own place. So the condo is under me. We are in 450 miles apart.

So in case of dad goes, sounds like no one can put her in a NH... and she will refuse to go. I don't think NH will let me put her name on their list without her agreement? Like Jeanne said, I am likely to be stuck in the emergency situation: there will be a time that not only I have to deal with the loss of dad, but also deal with a difficult mom. I think contacting APS at that point is a great idea. I never thought of that!

THANK YOU.

With stage 5 Parkinson's and having already been approved for MediCal, yes, mother most likely can go to skilled nursing. Will she go? That's the more challenging question.

If she won't even tell you her doctor's name, you don't have a lot to go on!

What is Dad's current prognosis? How long, do you think, will he be able to continue to care for her? A few months? Years? Is he getting weaker from his illness? Is it likely they both will need help before this is over?

We all know the value of planning ahead and being prepared etc. But I don't see how you can do anything but react, given the circumstances. If Dad becomes too impaired to take care of Mom and they both need help, how will you react? I don't know how things work in California, but here I would contact the Department of Human Services, explain the situation (briefly) and ask for a needs assessment. If they determine that vulnerable adults need assistance/protection, they will have much more authority than you have to take action.

If they are doing OK right up to the end, when Dad dies things will suddenly not be OK. If the situation seems like an emergency I think my reaction would be to contact APS (Adult Protection Services) and they will investigate. If Mom claims everything is great and she doesn't need help, there may not be much they can do. If Mom can muddle along for a short while and this isn't quite so urgent then I would start with asking Human Services for a needs assessment. They might say, "Oh, we see here she already has a MediCal case worker. We'll contact them about this." (Life would be easier if Mom would just give you names!)

Tweety, you are in a very difficult situation. When it is necessary to react, get some professionals involved!

Consult the Area on Aging. My friends sister is on Medi-Cal. Friend lives in NM. Sister lost her husband and was in terrible financial and emotional condition. Friend called Cal Area on Aging and they worked with her to get her sister evaluated for services, see drs and visit potential facilities. As Barb suggested, get your moms name on waiting lists. Explain the situation to AoA. Perhaps they will work with your dad to plan ahead. You will have at least put your folks on their radar.

Against her will? No. Even with POA you couldn't do it against her will. In order to do it against her will you would need guardianship AKA conservatorship. You would need to get your mom declared incompetent and then be granted responsibility for her much like a parent over a child.

You say they have no will and assets. Do they own a house?

No you cannot put mom in nursing home against her will if she is competent.

Thank you for providing me with your thoughts. My mom refused to let me know who her doctor is, and refused to give me POA for the future. So I don't know who I can ask... Both parents refused to do wills --- but they have no assets. I really don't know my options with mom if dad goes. I cannot have her live with me because 1) she has an impossible personality, 2) my house has lots of stairs and 3) I have to go to work. Without access to her doctor, nor POA... can I still put her in a home against her will? They are making my life so difficult...

Make sure the legal aspects of her and Father's wills etc. are up to date. If she inherits anything from Father when he passes, it could disqualify her from Medicaid later. Getting a legal consultation if there is life insurance, a house, etc. is really worth every penny.

Bumping this up.

You start by talking to her doctor, who has to script NH care. She needs to be medically " at need". Does she have a Medi-Cal case worker? Talk to him/ her about coverage.

Call every nursing home in the area and get mom on waiting lists. Schedule visits to see if they are acceptable.