This is probably a stupid question... I try to take care of me... my mom is 84, her mom and brother died at 82 of dementia/ Alzheimer/ diabetes. My mom will not for yes admit that was the cause. Use to many yrs back she told me which I already knew. I lived 350 miles away so I stayed in touch weekly with her for the mother daughter bond. She does things at her home, I'm sorry to say, my brother who has bummed off her all his life has always lived with bet! And my dad when he was alive. I don’t talk to him much but I figure since he’s bummed and he lives there least he’s there if she falls. Her Dr. Could only tell me 3 yrs back that yes, he had discussed many times if hemodynamics tests and she refused them. She tells me “ don’t think about it” even on serious things which I don’t see or I can’t do it NOT to think about stuff!
Bottom line.. I need help yes of drawing boundaries. It’s hurt seeing my mom never say I love you or hard to even hug me when I stop by her hoarded home. I think about this and it’s stressful. My “ friends” have left after I said moms hiding her dementia but I see it big time.
I used to have pretty thick long hair. A year ago I started shedding hair bad then it’s stopped some. I went to Dr yesterday and she ordered blood work. She said yes, your hair is thinning which I cried and she said it’s alopecia. She asked if I had been under stress... I said YES! I said my mom lied to me yrs back she didn’t have diabetes... she did. I said I find myself thinking of her situation over there and her all the time.. her changing and having mild dementia and why will she not admit things and why is she numb to most anything! Except she will always defend my brother and now yuch, acts like she’s married to him! It’s alwsys we.
Anyway, I’m scared because I miss my hair and fixing it pretty and I feel it’s over “worry” about her and sadness she can’t or won’t say for last 3 yrs I love u or anything. I know in ways I’ve lost my mom. I have not dated in a year, I find myself thinking of the dysfunction over there. So I gather my hair thinning which hurts is from the stress? I see and not having support. Please pray my hair starts thickening up! I’m a lady and it hurts I can’t look ok because my hair has thinned boom in a yr! It just fake in that fast!! I’m angry at myself but angry I think at her, for denying things and I need my boundaries, so I can have MY life. I’m worried now about my hair. Too my health.
Sorry so long... I’m new on here.
9 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
I too have thinner hair than when I was younger...a part of aging, and possibly a side effect of diabetes or thyroid being out of whack. Check both those! If it's TRUE alopecia, I'm sorry, no matter what you do to your hair, it's going to fall out. I have several friends with alopecia--and after the first, initial shock of finding out, they all dealt with it--some wear lovely wigs, some go bareheaded. It's all about attitude and what you're comfortable with.
My hair turned gray after my son had brain surgery. I was only 44! What a shock to go through this with him and then a few weeks later notice that all the new growth was pure white!! Wasn't ready to go "there" so I have been coloring it for years, something I said I'd never do.
I also have a very difficult mother who lives with a difficult brother. We routinely get into spats and I find that all that does is make me sick to my stomach...so I do see a therapist and she is VERY helpful and wonderful. You just need to find the right one.
I wish you luck. Go ahead and try all the hair restoratives you want--maybe one will work for you.
And know you are not alone in this aging parent thing. My mom NEVER tells me she loves me or hugs me, never really has, so I am not holding out hope that she will suddenly change at age 88!
((Hugs))
ADVERTISEMENT
I did noticed that the thinning pattern was very similar to my Mom's own hair. So it probably was a mix of stress plus heredity. And then there was menopause, oh fun, all the issues that can cause, plus hair thinning.
As for a talk therapist, I had lucked out finding one who was my age and who had taken care of her own elderly parents. Thus, when she said she "understood", she really did. It is just so hard to find a talk therapist who takes Medicare, which will pay for the sessions. And to then narrow it down to one that really clicks.
If your hair pro-colored, Redken or Goldwell have sensitized scalp lines. Other lines are meh imo on truly being for sensitive skin. If you DIY or DIY in between salon color trips Umberto U line semi color (Ulta carries it) is gentle color, beyond cheap & shouldn't be an issue for your colorist. But ask first. Also if you helmet color your hair (color entire scalp) and it more than 50% Grey, You might want to consider to let some gray grow out so that it becomes low lights and you color in dark; your scalp won’t have so much contrast as it grows, plus it buys you time on seeing colorist.
& final suggestion.... Color Wow. British product but Ulta carries it. A pigmented mica & zinc based powder you brush into scalp (brush provided) to lay color onto grey grow out OR on scalp to keep emptier areas from looking paler than your facial skin OR to tamper down scalp shine that shows through. Stays on till you shampoo. Awesome.
There is a salon only procedure - Evolve Volumizer - that exists too. A tightly licensed line for select salons. I’ve known 1 person to use it, had pretty significant center part loss. Stunning results but requires regular $$ till forever upkeep.
And yes, *everything* changes when it's your mother! Much easier to deal with other people's! :) - but that just makes it all the more important to get professional eyes on her. Best of luck, keep venting, hugs x
Bless you CountryMouse.
There is a support group but it meets when I can’t go! Once a month. I thank u countrymouse for being there because you have answered a few questions of mine lately . :-) I just feel the weakness in me or feeling sluggush / stress now my hair... I’m taking on her stuff not totally knowing it, I saw a counsler... all he said was u can’t change anything, draw boundaries, yes in ways ur grieving over your mom and get more into church. I’ve seen him 4 times and he says the exact same thing each time with no tools to teach me how, so I stopped paying money I didn’t have and found this site.
If your mother is entering on dementia, it is not realistic to expect her to "admit" or "acknowledge" things; or to be as aware as she used to be of her family history. This wants addressing.
I am sorry for the stress you must be under; and I can imagine that the symptoms you're noticing with your hair are very upsetting indeed. But just fretting definitely won't help! Is there anyone you can talk things through with, and see what your options are?