In need of coping skills for dealing with 90 yo mother.

Get a note to her doctor as soon as she checks in for the visit, so he is aware of the issues. That way he can make informed decisions regarding her care, and hopefully lighten your load a bit.

If your mom is admitted to the hospital you can tell the discharge planner that it is not possible for her to come back to live with you. It would be an unsafe discharge and they must find a placement for her. This could be after a fall, but with all her medical problems, it might be sooner.

Chris, this isn't a direct answer to your situation, but you might find a book by Atul Gawande has good insights. It is called " Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End."

Thank you, freqflyer and katiekate! I will take these and reread when I'm feeling low. Today, mom's favorite OT is coming. That will cheer her up and give me a bit of break. We are, and have been for 2years, waiting for the inevitable fall. Mom knows that if she falls placement is likely....doc visit on Tuesday...maybe some help from that direction.

My Dad was exactly like that. All the same medical issues with full blown dementia brought on by hydrocephalus

I was on the verge of looking for a placement for him....I was taking care of him and my terminally I'll mom...both at home... at the same time....I was at the end

However, before any decision was made he suddenly passed away

Chris, I know it can be grueling when one has a parent who denies they have medical issues that really need a higher skilled care than what we mere morals can give them. My own Mom was like that, totally refused any outside help. She believe her husband [my Dad] could help her, but the poor guy was in his 90's and a major fall risk. Again denial, denial, denial.

What many of us had to do was wait for a serious illness or fall where our love one could be taken to the ER... then into Rehab.... and finally into some type of senior care.

But in the mean time we had to deal with the situation. Maybe set some boundaries if possible. And slow down on the enabling. Sometimes even we become ill or have a serious fall, then what? That happened to me, it didn't faze my parents, they just parked themselves in their house and waited for my return.

So that my parents didn't starve, I did on-line grocery service with home delivery to their house. And they cancelled all their doctor appointments waiting for me to drive again....[sigh]. This wake up call just flew right over their head.