Mom won't do day programs. I cant even get her to the Dr. to be evaluated. She has dementia and fights me on everything. What can I do?

I agree. My mom fought me on everything until home support started coming. Now they are here on dialysis days - I get to sleep in a little while they get her washed and dressed, make her breakfast, and visit with her. By the time it's time to leave for dialysis, mom is ready on the couch with her boots and coat on. They come back in the evening after dialysis - when mom is at her crankiest - to give her dinner, get her into her pajamas, etc.  Since dialysis days are when her moods are at the worst, this has makes a HUGE difference in our lives. 

It may be that mom is "better behaved" with strangers, but also....the home support workers really do have patience and a "knack" that I do not have when it comes to dealing with mom. I can't sing their praises enough.

If you are in a country with universal health care, some or all of the cost may be covered.

I feel your pain. Grandma is like that.

Are you living with her? I was thinking that maybe you could get a health Care Worker to come in a give you a break. Sometimes when our loved ones won’t cooperate with us, they are as meek as a lamb with a stranger. You should have her tested for a urinary tract infection as well. There are home kits you can buy at the drug store.