How do you deal with all your FIL friends who all have their ideas for my FIL and of course I am the phone number they have?

"Oh, I'm so glad you are concerned about him. What he needs most right now are visitors."

All good comments. But really, just tell them thank you for their concern but the boys have everything worked out. For those that persist you may have to end up getting nasty. Like, please don't call me again. I have no controll over the decisions of the boys.

Laugh gently and say "we'll take that under advisement. Let us know when you'd like to spend the day, won't you?"

You are going to have to get a back bone and shut these people down. I got tons of advice from my dad's siblings. I thanked them for offering to help and said that the next weekend would be good for them to take over and would they come Friday through Sunday? Then the back pedalling started "oh, i wasn't offering to come in...." and i said "i thought you wanted to help" and it shut down. It gets annoying but you have to push back and let them know that if they are not going to do anything specific to help that they can go F off.

My answer is always “how many caregiver hours are you signing up for?” Armchair quarterbacks get no vote. I screened all calls and suggested people put suggestions in writing with the hours they were willing to work.