My mother in law calls saying she is sick and dying all the time. Any advice?

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helpwithmil Asked February 2018

My mother in law calls saying she is sick and dying all the time. Any advice?

She has dementia is on antipressants. If I go over she is not sick. She has been doing this for years. I feel sorry for her but she does it to get us over there. I know that she is lonely but she is not pleasant to be around. She lives in assisted living but will not do the activities with them. She says they are old and do not do anything she does not do much either. Walks to the store that is very close and watches TV. She just keeps pushing you and trying to make you feel guilty. She also expects us to get her a newspaper all the time.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Depression Loneliness

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score 1 · Answer 1

My MIL just had her antidepressants upped. I know that at some time she will have to pay to have more services but for now she will not accept it and is unwilling to pay. there is no nurse on duty and I just took her to the doctor. She called less today. Thanks

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score 2 · Answer 2

Can you arrange for newspaper delivery to the AL? My mom's IL/AL had that service.

I agree with Jeanne's suggestion to call the RN or SW at the AL when she says she feels sick; I would also talk to her doctor, because it sounds as though her antidepressant meds need tweaking.

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score 0 · Answer 3

I agree I have been doing that. I am not going over to get her a newspaper and try to be sympathetic. It is hard when somebody says they are sick and beg you to go over but she has done that so often and than is okay. She tries everything to get you to visit but it is not pleasant to visit her. She will not go do any activities where she is. When she says she lonely I suggest it but she will not.

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score 5 · Answer 4

"Oh, Mom! I am so sorry to hear you are sick again. I'm going to hang up and call the head nurse and make sure you get help." Do it. Talk to the ALF staff ahead of time and explain the situation, if they haven't already recognized it. Maybe her bill for assistance will go up, but they are there to assist her.

"Mom, I know you are lonely. I see on the ALF schedule that there is a sing-along this afternoon, and also bingo at 2:30. Why don't you go to one of those today, and I'll see you tomorrow morning. We can have breakfast."

MIL is in a safe place, where her basic needs are being met. You have to make some decisions about what you want/can do for/with her, and stick to it.

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score 1 · Answer 5

My FIL calls my hubs and is also whiney.. no good news ever. He does not have ALZ, and lives in a house he bought so BIL and wife could move in and "take care of him",, he complains all the time about them. Hubs is actually fed up with it, and it just drives him further away. FIL always wants us to come over and do things at the house,, hello!! BIL lives there, no job,, he will get the house ( we see this coming) and FIL pays ALL the bills except the food they eat. And he says they ignore him. Manipulation is what it is called. Other than the AL, your MIL should meet my FiL.. LOL

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My mother in law calls saying she is sick and dying all the time. Any advice?

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