After numerous falls, calling the paramedics to send her to the hospital, I had no choice but to put her in a nursing home initialty for therapy to her shoulder. She had a reverse shoulder replacement. Then she fractured her femur at the NH and had to have a trauma surgeon to repair it. The facility went from a 4 star rating to 1 star with this new administrator during the 10 months she was there. The nurses tried giving her the wrong meds and insulin, no shower for 2 weeks at a time causing her skin to breakdown and dietary didn't give a hoot about her diabetic/renal diet. She spent every day angry and trying to survive but unwilling to move because she developed lots of friends there. I read the state reports of this place at medicare.gov and identified a complaint she made about an infection at her dialysis port on her chest (she was the only resident with one) and the stupidity of the nursing staff not ordering the antibiotic ointment for it, which the state became aware of. This port goes directly to her heart. She had frequent vomiting episodes, but that last day after lunch she was tired and went to her room to lay down, vomited again, aspirated, turned on her call light for who knows how long, usually 20-45 minutes before it's answered. She died of an acute cardiac event. How the hell do I overcome the guilt? I moved her there. She had lots of health problems but these people at this NH don't care. Still crying because I knew her for 35 years.
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Thinking of you. Sending you love and hugs. I know its hard. You did the best you could. I know it doesn't feel like it right now but you did. Keep talking it out with us. My thoughts are with you.
I hope that time will sooth your grief and guilt. Talking about it will help. I know in my case, when my sister died after a long and grueling hospitalization and many cascading illnesses, it helped me to read the death certificate. She could not have survived. There was nothing I could have done to change that. I hope you will gain some peace of mind as I have over time. Sending you hugs and compassion for your pain.