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A
angeleye Asked February 2018

My mum is showing all the signs of dementia. She won't go to the Dr. and my dad's doing a big cover up. What can I do?

She doesn't realize she's got a problem.

GingerMay Feb 2018
First, I am so sorry for what you are all going through. It's overwhelming when you realize what's going on, feel like it's on your shoulders to help, and also feel so heartbroken. I'm dealing with similar.
A more subtle approach seems to work best for me. I realize I can't make my dad see what's going on, and I wonder if it's just too much for him to face that his wife of 59 years is fading away. I tell my parents that they're still "in charge" and I'm just there to support them. I kept suggesting (still do) things that can make their day-to-day life simpler like grocery deliver services (Costco has it), online meal deliveries, electronic bill payments, house cleaning service (they just got it), lawn cutting & tree trimming service (dad just agreed to that).
Beside that, I live an hour away so whenever I see them I bring a bag of canned goods (dad doesn't cook, mom can't) and look around the place to make sure their environment is safe and reasonably clean. I recommend things to ease dad's stress such as activities at the senior center, a morning walk in the fresh air - maybe some day he'll actually do one of them.
Keep an eye on things, and step in when needed. Educate yourself on dementia. They may not ask, but if you just start doing small things now, they may let you do more as their needs increase. And also always do things to take care of yourself. Blessings to you.

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