Both of my parents passed away 2 months apart. I was with my Dad from when we found out he had cancer until he died. He was on hospice at home but I was there and took care of everything. During this he showed symptoms of dementia as well as hallucinations. It will be almost a year since his death and I have been having flashbacks. Anything will set it off and other times it just comes to me. I am full of anxiety and I am so scared of death. Right after his passing I took care of his finances, selling the house, etc and then 2 months later my other parent passed away from a sudden heart attack. I have had to take care of his finances as well. I feel like I was so busy taking care of their affairs that I did not grieve then. I don't know what to do but I know I need to do something. I am irritable most of the time and just feel mad at the world.
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So you've done all the busy stuff. What now? Are the flashbacks distressing? Can you deliberately dredge up some happy memories -- some from your caregiving days, and some from when Dad was healthy? I think it helps to focus on happy memories.
Have you considered a bereavement support group?
The feelings of anxiety, irritability, and anger might be helped by talking them over with a trained, objective third party you will not judge you. Have you considering counseling?
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I hope you find peace as well as you are a tremendous person for all you did.
If you have a Church or other place of Worship ask if they have a Bereavement Support Group.
They truly can help.
There is no time limit on grief and how or when we should feel grief or "get over it" (cuz ya never get over it!) Just as death is personal so is grief.
As a caregiver you were probably so numbed by all that was going on that you did not take time to recognize the grief in you. Now is the time to recognize it, accept it, and let it run it's course. How ever long that takes.
I will suggest that you stay busy. Call some of the friends that stopped calling you when you did not have the time to go out for a drink or dinner or a movie. If you have time start volunteering or do something that you have always wanted to do but did not have the time.
You need to find YOU again not a caregiver not a daughter.
"Why art thou cast down, o my soul? Hope thou in God" was my peace.
I asked her why she stopped her medicines 6 months earlier - I asked her why we were kept in the dark about dad's problems - I asked her whatever popped into my head.
I ended with, "I'll do the best I can."
And for 7-1/2 years, I did the best I could by him, helping him through the loss of his soulmate.
Maybe it will help you to do something similar. It worked for me.
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