Why do I feel depressed when I did not do anything wrong?

My SILs parents had problems and separated. He was shuffled around from parent to parent and Grands. When he lived with his Dad he beat him. With his Mom, she was a mean drunk. He was on his own by 18. He and his father reconciled because his father agreed he was wrong for beating him but that was how he was raised. They know have a good relationship and Dad can enjoy his only grandson. His mother, he triedvto reconcile but her attitude was she didn't do any wrong and wouldn't listen to his side. So she died in her 50s and never knew her grandson.

I think driving everyone around is being a good parent. I was expected to walk and if too far find a ride or not go. My father drove us very little. What I don't understand is she divorced you. But it sounds like they were mad because you had the church annual it. Maybe because u could get married again with the Church's blessing. Didvshe remarry and move on or is she bitter and they blame you. The only way youvr going to resolve this is to have an honest sit down with a therapist. But do something for me first. I have a friend in ur position. She is a Debbie Downer. Its always someone elses fault. Always, look what they did to me. She is alone because of this and saying negative things about people that got back to them, like her DIL who now won't speak to her.
Think back and be honest with yourself. Remember, no parentvis perfect. You are asking forgivness but u don't have a clue what u did. If u still don't understand then they may have to tell you. Thats when you write a letter saying you have looked at your life with them and honestly have no idea why they chose not to have a relationship with you. Tell them u need honesty then u and ur doctor can go from there. Keep in mind each child needs something different from a parent. And each child preceives things differently. Ex: BIL complained his Dad was always out playing sports when he was little (he was youngest). My husband said that Dad always asked us to go with him but I was the only one who did out of us three. You need to find some interest that help you get outvin the world. All you can do is reach out once more and then will have to except.

Dear Senior123,

I'm sorry to hear how isolated you feel from your family. As a child of a bitter divorce, my mother tried to turn us against our father. It is hard to know what each of your children think.

I would suggest talking to a family therapist or counsellor or pastor. Barb made many wonderful suggestions to reach out. Maybe there is serious miscommunication.

My father and mother came from a different generation and there was no talk of feelings. I never knew how to talk about my feelings either. And since my own father passed this is a terrible regret I have. I hope you will continue to write letters, cards, make phone calls to your children. Let them know you love them and miss them and would like to make a new connection.

Senior; there is no such thing as a divorce in which only one party bears all the blame. I would have told you that I had no part in my divorce, except, 20 years down the road, after a lot of therapy and reflection, I see my " contribution" and am trying mightily not to repeat those mistakes in my second marriage.

In your shoes, I would not ask for " false forgiveness"--I did nothing wrong but I'll apologize because im such a good person. I would try to establish communication with each of your kids; send a card or email each month, talking about what you're doing and asking after them. Don't ask for a relationship--start one.

I am estranged from both my parents. So my perspective will be different from most. This is a hot button topic for me. People who knew my family when I was growing up, would never understand the emotional abuse I suffered at their hands and my parents are incapable of accepting any responsibility.

I have no idea why you felt the need to comment that you were the family driver? Driving is not parenting.

You have stated you know you have asked for forgiveness, even though you know you have done nothing wrong. You leave no opening for a conversation, no opportunity for your adult children to tell their side, you just tell them, Look I am sorry, but I know I did nothing wrong? My parents use that language too. They tell their friends what a terrible daughter I am because I will not visit, but they do not tell their friends what they did to cause the rift.

It's good you are in treatment. Have you discussed it with a therapist? That might help. There could be a number of things going on. Maybe, the children heard things about you that weren't accurate, maybe they are busy and not very kind for some reason, maybe they have their own issues they are dealing with, etc. Perhaps, a therapist could help you create ways to reach out further. I know it must be a sad thing to have family who don't seem to want to be close. I hope you can find some answers.