I am the main caregiver for my mother who is 75 years old and other than arthritis and diabetes she has no other major illnesses. Most of her issues are mental and/or caused by the ridiculous amounts of meds she insists on taking and her refusal to do anything for herself. My main problem or frustration is that she just seems to enjoy being sick/hurt. She's always been like this and has no desire to live or do anything independently. She likes the attention of being sick or hurt and pulls out all the stops when it comes to the drama at the ER or at her doctor's offices. She has no hobbies or interests other that being sick and when she is actually hurt (she's broken a hip a year ago, and recently had two falls with 1 1/2 weeks and has two broken ribs and a bump on the head) she comes alive and seems to have a passion for it. I've lost 5 days of work and some much needed vacation time away from her in the last two weeks and she seems to be perfectly pleased with herself and is enjoying all the well wishes and attention. I on the other hand am so burned out. My sister helps me some, but my brothers have no tolerance for it and/or just do not realize how hard it is to take care of someone hell bent on staying sick and injured. I just feel stuck because to leave her alone, she will manage to kill herself which is how I wound up living here 7 years ago. She's not mean (most of the time), but she's like a spoiled, entitled lazy child who doesn't care how her drama is affecting my life.
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So yes, I know what it is to have a parent who enjoys (or at least definitely doesn't mind) their many doctor visits, while you are worn out with them. "...like a spoiled, entitled lazy child who doesn't care how her drama is affecting my life." I have felt that feeling myself.
But as Countrymouse points out, your mother has real illness. If she's not self harming for more attention, then she sounds pretty normal. So then maybe a way to keep from burning out further is to have someone else take her to doctors appointments. Some of my father's docs offered shuttle services, and he could take that and add to the excitement of the day for him. I think he enjoyed taking the shuttle, too, or at least didn't mind it, and I was able to skip another long waiting room because those never ending doctor visits were driving me nuts.
Also, maybe time for a home health aid a few hours a week. Your mom could get the attention to her ailments from someone else, and it would also be an objective person to help monitor your mom's health issues. Win-win.
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arthritis
diabetes
broken hip
broken ribs
cracked head
and you think she's doing this to you?
Which of the meds she is taking do you believe are unnecessary and perhaps counter-productive?
Your mother does have genuine issues. She may need support at home, or to move into a more protected living environment. Why do you think only you can prevent her from coming to harm?