What rights do I have when I'm not the POA and mom has dementia?

You got that right, I heard once you learn something new every day all I can do now is pass on my knowledge. God Bless anyone and everyone especially ones dealing with dementia, this disease took my mom , my best friend ,and the only person i could talk to who loved me unconditionally. Thanks for listening

No we humans aren’t trustworthy and especially the ones related to us. What I understand is that POA is the one with the power as long as your mom is living. It sure seems affluent sis had a plan and she didn’t drag her feet about implementing it.

I will try to be more informative about this situation. First tho i am hurt and disappointed in my half sister[iv'e never called her that before], you want to believe there are good honest people in this world, but don't fool yourself because it will turn around and bite you in the a$$. My sister moved and got married at 19 [1979] we only saw her once a year and that's only if we made the effort to go to her state. In 2014 her and her husband moved back to AZ, I on the other hand always stayed close to my mom and stepdad. My dad [whom she called by his first name] unfortunately had a stroke and died that same year he had no will, the night he died I slept by my moms side. The following day I had no choice but to go to work I am a single mother, I was only gone 9 hrs. To my amazement and I mean i was in shock everything of his was gone, I asked Tina what happened to his belongings, and she informed me that everything is at her house, because it was upsetting to mom to have his things around. O.K. I said that's understandable and moved on to grieve with my mom, needless to say her and her husband kept it all. Now I want believe im not materialistic but really she didn't even know him so i was very hurt about this. I did inquire about a couple of things [his $3.000 grill he said I could have] but she said it got stolen, it sits on her porch today. So me and his grandchildren he was there when they were born received no memory of him at all, but being the good christian I am I let it go. Because he had no will and all the greediness I witness from my sister, he also left my mom with a car payment and 3 yrs left on their mortgage I asked my mom to get a will, me and my sister split the cost for the attorney. Believing because my sister is older she had to be POA that's what we decided, now I know we could have both been POA. Here we are 2018 mom cannot live by herself I offered to take care of her, but was shut out by my sister and our Aunt Virginia. They decided that my mom would live with her sister and that all of her social security for the month would pay for Aunt Virginia's grown daughters bills because she can't work, and that would be payment to our Aunt for our mom staying there. Fast forward mom can't drive now it's too dangerous, but even tho it was promised to me, and Tina was O,K, with this decision when it was written in the will, she has claimed she bought the car so I cant use it. Our mother has not passed away yet so my question was how can she get away with buying her car , taking her belongings out of her home before she sold it and keeping it all. My sister does not lift a finger to help our mom so she needs no break, and there is no mending this relationship. She took everything inside my moms house when I was laid up and couldn't walk i'm bone against bone in my right knee i've been in such pain its hard to think. Anyway i'm sorry this is so long i just don't know what to do, I don't want my mom upset so she knows nothing about this, she would forget anyway . I don't own anything , I'm old and alone, but I made poor choices in my life and I accept this but now i need surgery and cant work i guess i'm scared

I agree with Jeanne and CM, especially the issue as to balance of supposition vs. truth. And on that issue, you wrote that you're "sure" that your sister and family have spent your mother's money. What proof do you have?

If you are considering any action, no law enforcement people are going to act on that basis. You need facts and documentation.

I think there are too many assumptions and conclusions. The best way is discuss these issues frankly with your sister, and learn about what she and her family have sacrificed to care for your mother. Unless you're walking in their shoes, it's difficult to judge them fairly.

You might want to read some other posts here about the sacrifices caregivers make, even if they are well off. That doesn't compensate them for the emotional challenge of caring for an older parent.

The Will is not effective until your mother dies, so there's no basis to conclude that disposition has been made unfairly.

What proof do you have that the house proceeds weren't in fact placed in a trust bank account?

This is not a criticism; it's a suggestion from what I suspect may be some suppositions that need explanation. Mend fences with your sister, or offer to visit her for a few weeks to take over the caregiving and give her a break.

Marleydavies, do bear in mind that even if your mother is living with your comfortably-off aunt, your mother still doesn't live for free any more than anybody else on the planet does. She still eats, drinks, needs heat, bathing, laundry, personal items, clothing, healthcare; it all costs money. Are you assuming that your aunt foots all her bills?

I have an impression that your family's communications have suffered, perhaps, from what I'm coming to think of as "sporadicism." You and your sister teamed up to arrange the trust in 2014 - so then, presumably, all was plain sailing between you. Since then, there's been the car issue (why did your mother have a car at all if she doesn't drive? - was it perhaps initially your father's car? - but never mind, it doesn't matter) and the house sale and the furniture clearance: dealing with all of these things involves actual footslog and elbow grease. Were you perhaps not on the scene when they were being dealt with as part of the major project of relocating your mother?

To play devil's advocate for a moment - you took an interest in the car when you wanted to use it; but what about when a place needed to be found for it? You're feeling excluded and hurt that you weren't given an opportunity to select keepsakes from your mother's home; but were you there when it came to carting away the trash and cleaning the skirting boards?

If you have good evidence that your sister has been misusing your mother's money, then yes you must report it - that would be financial abuse of your mother. But if this is more a matter of your natural wish to know a) what has happened and b) where you stand, then I hope communications haven't broken down so far with your sister that you can't just have the conversation with her.

If Sis used the money on herself and/or has stolen property that belongs to mother, she is breaking the law. If she is selling items to help pay for mother's care that is legitimate. What did she pay for the car? If it was full market value, fine. If she took it as a bargain, then not so fine.

Since your mother is still alive, the will has nothing to do with the present situation, although a loving sister would have realized it was meant for you and try to work something out.

What kind of evidence do you have that Mom's money was spent on Sister's family? This is a serious accusation and if you have reasonable cause to believe it, you can report your suspicions to APS.

Moving your question up so that someone who knows the answer might see it.