Should I move my mom with Alzheimer's from a facility in IN to one in PA close to where I live?

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M

middleson Asked March 2018

Should I move my mom with Alzheimer's from a facility in IN to one in PA close to where I live?

My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 3 years ago. She's now stage 4 or early stage 5. She's in an ALF in Indiana near where she lived the past 30 years. I live >600 miles away in Pennsylvania. She lives in an "independent living" apartment primarily because she declines any assisted living help. It's become clear she needs to move to a memory care facility very soon. I'm considering moving her to memory care near me in PA. My hope is by being closer and being present more often I'll be better informed and more able to work closely with the staff. The logistics of the move will be difficult but not impossible. She won't want to move far away, but she won't want to move to memory care where she's at either. I'm thinking a single move now, even if it's long distance, is better than a local move then deciding later she needs the longer move. I would appreciate hearing your thoughts.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Care Decisions Moving

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score 0 · Answer 1

Thank you everyone for the responses. I'm reminded that every situation is different and there's no one-size-fits-all solution.
To fill in a few details about my mom - one big disappointment is she hasn't connected to anyone while living independently at the present facility. She has actively avoided being with/around others as much as possible. To her, they all have mental issues - though she doesn't.
So wherever she moves to memory care she'll be starting over and probably with a bad attitude to begin with. I'm hoping the caregivers are skilled in dealing with Alzheimer's patients to connect them and draw them out - even if only a little bit.
My main motivation was mentioned in a couple answers. If I'm closer and seen more often by the staff they might be more inclined to be helpful and to work with her.
Thanks again.

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score 2 · Answer 2

If you are ACTIVELY involved in her care giving and will be visiting often, then it makes good sense to move her close to you. I've done this from a long distance, and it's not easy, but very glad that I did it.

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score 2 · Answer 3

Earlier rather than later will be easier unless as said before she has the support she needs now. My mother did not and was being manipulated/exploited by my sibling (living in her home, not working, paying for what he wanted with her money). A protective order was in place petitioning court to remove HER!!! Though a long distance (from Alabama) she is now in my home in Michigan and I have court sanctioned protection of her and her finances. I have Compassuss Hospice in place top help me since she is bed/home bond. I don't have to worry about calling 911 for lift assist for Dr etc. The nurse comes here every two weeks or any time I call.

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score 2 · Answer 4

Both my folks went into assisted living in December. I’m also 600 miles away. Both my parents have moderate dementia. They are starting to adjust but are not happy. They would not be happy anywhere given the dementia and health problems.

In my case the long distance managing is working for us. It’s a good place, great staff and they stay in touch regarding any issues that arise.

Including an initial trip of 2 weeks in December ive been down twice since. Honestly, it seems to make things worse when I visit. I represent all things “home” . Dad wants to know where his car is. Mom wants to know why she is there. Plus I’m the bad guy who put them there.

The logistics of moving them would be a nightmare. Not to mention disrupting the routine that they are finally getting used to. I’ve decided to continue the long distance magement plan.

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score 2 · Answer 5

Agree with above, if she has support where she is it would be harder for her to leave. However, if it is very minimal and sporadic being closer to you, getting regular visits and having an advocate would be very beneficial. Even if she doesn't know you, you will be someone that makes her feel loved on a regular basis. I have also experienced, read here and been told by caregivers that when a resident gets regular visits, they get better care. Advocacy changes their lives for the better.

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score 2 · Answer 6

I agree with blannie. Does she have local visitors? Do they go on outings to places that are familiar to her? Does she have ties to the community she is in? If not, a move to be closer to you makes sense. And sooner is better than later, in my opinion.

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score 2 · Answer 7

The only question I would have is how much community support does your mom get now where she lives? If she doesn't have many visitors that she's known for years, I'd say make the move, assuming that you'd be a strong advocate for her. If she does get a lot of community support that helps ground her, then weigh that against being closer to you. Likely moving her to a different apartment, whether near or far, will be difficult for her, so doing it sooner rather than later is a good idea.

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Should I move my mom with Alzheimer's from a facility in IN to one in PA close to where I live?

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