I have a 92 yo abusive mother with dementia. She is abusive verbally and physically to me and then lies and tells everyone it is me. Any advice?

Could it be that your daughters are tired of not having a mother? Are you so invested in your own mother that you don’t realize the affect it has on your family? And that when you are with daughters you are complaining about your mothers rude behavior?
Find a therapist. You need help and your need won’t end when your mother passes. She’s consuming you now and if you don’t find a way to deal with your feelings it will consume you after she is gone. Come back and keep talking to us so we can help you. Find a therapist.

If your mother becomes physically abusive, call 911. They will take her in to the ER for evaluation. Then let the staff know she has no one to take care of her at home - and hopefully this will force the nursing home issue.

I agree with the others that it would be in your best interest to stay away. I experienced this with my mother. It came on suddenly we were never truly close as she favored the baby sibling. The last time I visited she was so mean and I was so relieved just to get away. My whole day wasted just to be treated like trash. She threw me away and I’m not going back for more. I felt so guilty as my generation respected our elders. Well they don’t always deserve it and we can’t let them twist our lives. I looked back and can now see that the love of mother and child was always one sided on my part. Research and therapy helped me deal with this dysfunctional history. Not at all an easy situation to deal with but it got easier for me when I broke the ties. And guess what my mother never reached to me, never a call or word from her. Which only confirms my decision even further. Life is short and sometimes we have to put ourselves first especially after through so much agony in addition to the mind games. I wish you peace and hope this can be resolved in your best interest. {{{hugs}}}

I am unclear if you live with your mother or you just go to visit her. If you're not living with her and don't need to be around her, then don't go to see her. If it was me, I would immediately start looking at getting her back into the nursing home. Your daughters don't get a vote because they're not supporting you or your mom.

I wouldn't discuss it with your mother until it was time for her to go back. Do you even have the authority to put her in the nursing home? Do you have her Power of Attorney (POA)? You could also notify APS (Adult Protective Services) and resign your POA (if you have it) and let them deal with her. My mom lived until I was 67 and it about killed me. I can't imagine being 72 and still dealing with the stress of a demented mother who is assaulting you and then lying about it.

You have every right to your own life and happiness. Don't let caring for your mother take that away from you. {{{Hugs}}}

Mchugh5, I am so sorry you are in this position. You need to remove yourself from her presence. Even though she has dementia, that does not mean that you should allow her to abuse you in anyway. You could keep her at home until she runs out of money. Or place in nursing home now Medicaid pending. Do not allow her to abuse you any further. Your family needs to be more supportive, but that may or may not happen.

You need to remove yourself from your abusive mother. You may not be able to force her into a nursing home, but you can definitely make decisions about your own life. She has aides to take care of her. Stay away.

If you cannot handle it, then you should put her in a home (if you have that authority). Very often even trained professionals cannot handle persons with dementia. That is nothing to be ashamed or defensive about. She is physically abusive to you? Whoa ... that is neither good for her nor for you. That cannot be allowed to continue.