Just found out my 72 y/o MIL has cancer in her kidneys, what are her options if any?

My heart aches for you as losing your mother is so very hard. You’ve made your mother proud by taking good care of her.
Thanks for taking time to update us.
God Bless! She is at peace now.
And what a great husband you have to console & support you.

May she rest in peace. Wishing comfort to you and your family.

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm glad her passing was peaceful and her son got to see her. And thanks for updating us on what happened. She was lucky to have you both.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and glad that hospice was able to make her passing a peaceful one.

Just wanted to share an update. They moved my mother-in-law from the hospital on Saturday afternoon to a hospice center nearby. She only made it through one night, and she passed away Sunday morning. My husband said she looked very peaceful when he went to see her, and that makes me happy, that he got to see her one more time without her being in any pain.

Thanks to everyone who offered advice and condolences.

I am sorry to hear about your MIL. I hope your husband finds a good hospice provider. Will she go home with hospice or go to a hospice center? I have read on this site that if in a hospice center she may be charged for room & board as Medicare covers hospice services but not room & board. Just a FYI should FIL have limited funds.

Her doctor has urged her to go to a hospice facility because they've determined there is nothing more they can do for her. I also think it is because they no longer wish to deal with her as she has been spewing racial slurs toward her doctor. I understand that toward the end, some dying patients exhibit really angry behaviour, but this woman has always been an angry person, so it doesn't come as a surprise to me or anyone else that she will remain as such until her last breath.

Her other children were filled in on the next steps, but my husband has taken on the responsibility of researching quality hospice facilities around our area. No one else has been willing to do any of the work.

I honestly can't blame her. The diagnosis of course will have come as a blow; but besides that, and going on for a lot longer, poor renal function makes a person feel terrible. She must feel just so *ill.*

I'd question her detailed mental capacity when it comes to patient's consent issues, but not how dreadful this is for her. I'm so sorry for what you're all going through.

@Countrymouse I don't think she wants to keep fighting, honestly. She was in terrible spirits yesterday, according to my husband. She was also in a state of confusion. She told him and my FIL to "turn off the washer, to pull the knob to turn it off", so her mind is slipping. They are giving her pain meds to keep her comfortable, but that's all they can do, she's refusing home care, hospice, etc.

@Sunnygirl1 Yes. Well, they mentioned some form of home care, but she refused it. She doesn't see the point, and she's in terrible spirits. Understandably so after getting a cancer diagnosis. My husband went to see her last night and her doctors have all said that her cancer has spread farther than originally thought. They asked how long she would need to stay in the hospital, but they didn't really give an answer, so I'm assuming they know she's nearing the end. Also, the doctor called my FIL maybe 20 minutes ago and wants him and my sister-in-law (I guess she's PoA?) to the hospital, so it's not a good sign.

I'm afraid I agree with you, I don't think you have much time to discuss MIL's options. I should concentrate on supporting FIL if I were you. I hope they're managing to keep MIL comfortable.

So sorry to hear your news about your MIL. Have they mentioned Hospice?

So, update, the doctors did offer her chemo and dialysis, but they don't think her body is in any shape to accept the treatment because, as mentioned, she's in extremely poor health. And she's deteriorating at a rapid rate. They're also waiting on results of a biopsy they did on her kidneys and liver. I always assumed they did the biopsy BEFORE the cancer diagnosis, but I don't know. They're giving her medicine to keep her from being in pain, but I really don't think she has much time left.

There is a very good book called 'Taking Charge of Cancer' by David Palmer MD PHD, written 2017, which is written for exactly your situation. It explains options, how to read reports, how to support and deal with medicos, etc. Well worth the money.

How about getting husband to talk to her about palliative care with her doctor? That's medical care that is designed to only provide comfort and not attempt to cure something life-limiting like 4th stage cancer. She could receive pain meds, surgery if it would help her pain, etc. If she's lost the will to live, it's probably because she's in a lot of pain. If her pain were relieved, she might find the fight again, and want to fight longer!

I'm sorry about your friend and dad, @blannie! I honestly believe that if she were offered treatment, which I'm sure she has been, she won't want to do it. I mean, I can't speak for her, but it seems like something she would refuse. She's also VERY weak. Before she went to the hospital, you couldn't even lift her. It took three male paramedics to lift her out of the chair. She was dead weight, and she could barely lift a spoon to eat or a cup to drink. I'm not sure her body could physically handle taking on a kidney removal surgery and/or dialysis. She's in really bad shape.

I don't think anyone is trying to pressure her. Obviously, the family is sad about what's happening, but you can't force someone to want to go through with something like that. We'll see what happens.

She's not a religious person whatsoever and I feel like the only time she'd have a priest come in and speak with her is when they read her last rites. That's how my grandma was before she passed away. It's certainly something to discuss with her, though.

I believe everyone should have the right to choose whether or not to go through treatments. I had a friend with kidney cancer who had one kidney removed. He was supposed to go back for yearly check-ups, which he blew off. Sometime later, the cancer was back and metastasized. He went through weeks of radiation that just about took him down. He lived another five years or so, but his final years were pretty miserable. He was younger than your MIL.

Quality of life with each option should be discussed and researched. Sometimes medical professionals don't have realistic expectations about their patients. My dad's oncologist wanted him to undergo six weeks of radiation for his lung cancer. My dad was 91. I told the doc there was NO way we were putting my dad through that. So he had two weeks of radiation to keep him comfortable. He had large burn areas on his sternum after just two weeks. I can't imagine what six weeks would have done to him. My dad lived to 92 and died comfortably.

Is there someone like a pastor or rabbi who could speak with your MIL about her desires once you know her options? It sounds like her health has made her life less than pleasant. So please let her decide (without family pressure) what she wants to do once she hears her options.

I have read that dialysis is an option for her, but I'm not sure how far the cancer has spread other than to her liver for her to even bother with it. Before her being hospitalized, she just seemed to lose the will to live, and mentioned to the family that she didn't want to live anymore. Over the past few months, that attitude has become apparent as she didn't want to go to the doctor, she didn't care what anyone had to say about her declining health. I feel like if she were to undergo treatment, if that was an option, it would just be to appease her family, not because she wants to live. I hate to say that, but it seems true.

I know my FIL has already come up with a few questions regarding her options and what the outcome should or will be, but he hasn't shared that with us yet. I think he's just in shock right now and wants to take the next few days to spend time with her.

I'll speak with my husband about what he plans on asking, he'll be visiting her in the hospital tomorrow.

I'm sorry to hear the news about your MIL. This has to be hard to accept, especially, when she had thought it was something else. I don't know anything about her condition. I just wanted to chime in with words of support. Let us know what you find out and how she's doing.

I would discuss this with her oncologist. I am sure your family  is in shock after getting this terrible diagnosis. Is it in one or both of the kidneys? 
I do know in my experience as a nurse I’ve seen people with kidney cancer have the kidney (s)removed and go on dialysis & do ok. But not knowing your MIL, I can’t say if this would be an option. At least now with a diagnosis they can prescribe medications to improve her blood count, get fluid off & control her BP. 
I suggest getting a list of questions together written down and discuss with her team of doctors.
So sorry about your MIL.