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snookymama Asked April 2018

My dad is showing signs of delusion and paranoia - he is 78. Please can you give any advice?

My mum is beside herself. They have been having some technical problems over the last 2 weeks...emails going missing, contacts being deleted from phones, one phone handset not working properly, emails coming back into inboxes. My dad is now convinced he has been hacked and someone (namely BT) is trying to steal his identity. He won't go on his email or internet (he was always on it before), he won't let mum use the phone or her laptop or tablet and he won't let us help as he doesn't want to compromise us. He thinks we will get scammed too! Now he doesn't want mum going to my house in case she is being followed! He is getting more confused and forgetful. I have no experience in this and I'm quite terrified and worried about my mum too. Please can you give any advice?

snookymama Apr 2018
that's funny, yes he has been having some water infections recently. I've made a telephone appointment with his GP in the first instance for advice on what to do and how to get him to the docs. He def needs a check up. He had a call from the hospital yesterday cancelling an eye check up - and was suspicious that it wasn't them as there was no 'background' noise and it sounded funny!

Yes my email does that too and I told him that...but he won't show me or let me help as he thinks i'll get infected too!

JoAnn29 Apr 2018
Have scans been done for viruses and Malware. Clear history. Is he using gmail. I have a problem where I delete a message and it pops back up. Clean out the trash and spam.

I also agree, Dad could have a UTI. Get him to a Dr. Asap. UTIs are very serious in men.

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snookymama Apr 2018
thank you...yes that's very helpful.

jeannegibbs Apr 2018
Dad should have a thorough medical evaluation. I wouldn't say, "You need to see a doctor because you are delusional" -- but present it as a routine checkup he is due for. Explain your concerns to the doctor in a note.

Meanwhile, most software security systems run in the background but you can also activate a check at any time. Would Dad be comforted by seeing the report that there were no serious threats and that 7 lower-level threats were deleted?

There are many articles on the Web about how to check for evidence of identity theft. Maybe printing one and going over the steps with Dad would calm him down. Or print a credit report and let him carefully review every line.

Until you can get him to a doctor, I suggest not trying to argue about whether his concerns are justified. Go along with his concerns as if they could be real, and work with him on tracking things down.

(This must be so hard on Mother!)

freqflyer Apr 2018
Snooky, time for your Dad to see his doctor and let the doctor narrow down what the problem could be. It could be as simple as an Urinary Tract Infection which can cause strange symptoms in older folks. And/or the start/phase of memory issues.

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