It is getting more and more difficult to include my 91 father in special events. My son is getting married and while we would want him there I am not willing to give up my enjoyment of the day to cater to him. I could easily see him deciding after an hour or two that he wants to go home and expect me to leave (and miss) the reception. Is it possible to hire someone that could pick him up the day off and make sure he is dressed, bring him to the event and then return him home when he is ready? Who could I contact for such services? The last family wedding I went to and brought him, family treated me more like his caregiver than a family member. I was told he was getting tired and I should bring him home now. I remember going to graduation party for a relative of my husband. A neighbor was there and her son had graduated too that day. However she missed it because after getting her elderly mother there, the mother decided she was unhappy and wanted to go home NOW. Neighbor lady took her home and ended up missing seeing her son graduate. That story scared me to death. I did not invite my father to either of my kid's graduations after hearing that story. I could see him doing the same thing.
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However, there is no such thing as a unique service provider; and what one company does, another is bound to be doing somewhere closer to you. Look up customer reviews and testimonials for assistance agencies in your location, then get on the phone and ask. Be very specific about what you want, though, and be careful to confirm that any individual the agency suggests is able and willing to carry out the list of tasks you anticipate.
Worst comes to the worst and you can't find anyone, then alas and alack! - "I'm really sorry but this is all going to be far too much for poor grandpa - let's send him an extra big piece of wedding cake..."
I honestly might find that a better alternative than hiring someone literally sight unseen and unknown through an agency. You don't really have the time to check out that person unless you can have a "meet and greet" meeting first.
You could also arrange to have the event videoed and have a separate little celebration with your father later, maybe even make or bake another cake while watching the video.
You could also call him regularly and update him on the proceedings. Or perhaps someone can bring a laptop and skype with him periodically, or the couple can stop by to visit him before they leave on their honeymoon.
I'm of the opinion that our elders deserve some special attention or accommodations when we plan events. They're losing out on enough life events already.
If you can help him feel as if he's a part of the event, he might be more willing to stay home.
Some Volunteer groups do things like this, you do have to "pre register or qualify" for the services.
You could also ask in your neighborhood if there is anyone that would be willing to help you out.
Is your Dad living with you currently? If you think the entire day would be a bit much for him you could ask at a Long Term Care Facility like a Memory Care Facility or Assisted Living Facility if they would take him for a Day of Respite and also to "try on" the community if you think there is a possibility that a placement in the future is possible. For something like this you would probably be required to have a Doctor's note saying he is in good health and he would most likely have to have a TB test done prior to being allowed to come in for a day.
Most agency's will have a caregiver come in for a day if that is all you need. As they know down the road you may need more of these respite days. Again they would need to pre qualify him, and they would do no medications unless you pay a higher fee and have a nurse that would be with him.
Personal opinion I would have someone come into where he is living and sit with him there. I think the noise, commotion of a wedding and the reception after would be too much and he would be more comfortable at home.
I did not look at your profile so I was unaware when I answered that your Dad is in Assisted Living.
As much as we want all our loved ones to attend events like this at some point it becomes impossible. A large number of people, many that he does not know, many that he can not remember and the stress of trying to recall who he knows, unfamiliar location, upsetting his routine all can spell disaster.
Just as you would not bring an infant to a wedding, graduation or other event it may be best not to bring someone that will be uncomfortable in the situation.
And I am not one to compare an infant with a person with any type of Dementia, mobility issues or other problems. But you have to take all aspects of the person into consideration. You need to do what is best for them.
Will they enjoy the event? Will they become frustrated, irritated, tired?
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