My mother had a son before she married my dad and had me. She has passed away. Does my half brother have any say about my dad?

Katgurl I'm now totally confused.

You asked originally whether your half-brother had any "say" about your dad/his stepfather.

A say in what sort of thing? Are you struggling to make decisions, and looking for his input? Are you concerned that your brother might question decisions you make for your father, or attempt to interfere?

Apparently not. Not only is your brother physically unable to have any meaningful input into your father's care, and dealing with his own issues besides; but your stepfather asked you *not* to involve him.

You go ahead and update stepbrother anyway... Never mind - that's absolutely fine, no problem as long as you didn't divulge any strict confidences.

But to repeat, I'm now at a loss to understand what your real question is. But maybe all you'd like is some moral support during this very difficult, emotional time? That's fine too - come back whenever you like and let us know how you're getting on.

Since your father is "with it" I would say he is really the best person to say whether he wants your half-brother to know anything about him or how he is doing. Regardless of your father's choice, I think you should do your best to honor that choice. I don't really think this is really something that you should decide for him unless he has some sort of capacity issues, which you seem to infer is not the case. Just my two cents, though.

Katgurl, please if you could answer about whether your Mom and Dad had raised your half-brother since he was a child. That will give us a better understanding of the situation.

I am curious why your half-brother's medical condition has anything to do regarding him having a "say" about your Step-Dad?? Is it because he is not hands-on care for your Dad?

As you can see, we still have a lot of questions.

No he is not on the scene he is blind and has cirrhosis of the liver and diabetes. And yes I am pos and my dad is quite with it and asked me not to call him but I just thought he should know how poppy is doing. I love my brother but he is not well himself. He has a wonderful wife that makes sure he has care givers when she is at work. He could not help or even come and see mamma when she was dying it was all on me but I feel I got to spend that time being very close to my mom and now with my poppy

katgurl58, as CountryMouse had asked above, how long did your Dad raise your half-brother? Did your half-brother spend his childhood living with your Mom and your Dad? And kept in contact during his adult years. If yes, then definitely your half-brother has a say regarding his Step-father.

Katgurl, I'm very sorry for what you are going through.

About your half brother, can we just stop and think about this for a minute. You say on an earlier thread how hard it is to manage everything alone, and that it has been just you and your father.

So now, your half-brother has entered the scene. When you ask if he has "any say", any say about what?

Also, if your dad helped to raise him, then the two of them do have a relationship.

Can you tell us a little more about what's happening?

Does he have powers of attorney in place?
Is he competent?
Does he have medical problems?