I haven’t been paid for his 24 hr total care. Everyone said I would be taken care of..$2000 is it. His children, who said put him in a home, now want all his money. For all the years, $2000.00. He made money living here because he kept his Soc Sec check. Is this fair or legal? I feel so used. No one has even thanked me, except my husband. Pray for me, God don’t like ugly.
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Agreeing to do the caregiving in return for "being taken care of" in a will was naive.
Family may honestly feel they are fulfilling their promise. (!)
What is your husband's response to this?
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In hindsight, maybe you should have let the kids put him in a home. They would have no inheritance now. May want to mention that.
My DH was the executor--so as not to "make waves" he just decided it best to have complete transparency in the executing of the estate. He was supposed to take a $25 per hour fee for all the work he did in executing the estate. He took nothing. (We have a BIL who did absolutely NOTHING but claim all the appliances and decent furniture for his daughter----well worth $5K) Didn't lift a dang paintbrush to help me, and I was working my butt off, 8-10 hrs per day.
THEN he is the real estate agent to sell the condo--took his 3%, you bet! Also sold the rental house and got 3% for that too. (Condo sold the first day it was listed!) And then the 1/3 of the sale also, since his wife was a beneficiary.
I tried not to be angry--I really did. My DH just simply would not stand up to his sibs--even his brother who has been MIA for 30 years. Just slowly waded through the mess and cut checks. Which I then had to hand deliver to SIL and BIL. Crazy.
This was NOT what dad wanted. But to keep peace, my DH simply folded. I can say I have never looked at my inlaws the same. It's been 13 years. I'm still a little angry.
Sweet Annie---talk to your hubby. Sometimes they are so blindsided by the death of a loved one, they can't see past it. And he'd probably used to you stepping up and keeping quiet. I know my hubby really did feel bad about me not getting paid for this grueling work---but not bad enough to pay me. He kept saying "I want the family to stay together..I don't do drama." Well, I blew my stack ONE TIME and let him know what I thought, which was, his BIL was being a real S%8$. He agreed, but in the end, we were "shorted" by about $15K. He asked if that amount was "worth ruining family relationships over". Somedays I wonder.
DH is his mother's executor. I am not going to do one darn thing to help "execute" this estate, no matter what.
And sadly, I went straight from helping do all this stuff, into EOL care for my own sweet daddy. What a year.
Hoping for the best, SweetAnnie--but in reality---piecrust promises are easily made, easily broken. --my care for FIL was the best he ever got, he loved me, I remember this and feel better about how it all played out.
BTW? $2000 a month is what the family would have been paying for "private care". Easily.
Good luck--and sorry for the rant, Your topic hit a raw nerve in me.
Presumably the "children who now want all his money" include your husband. The $2,000 is a separate bequest to you personally, perhaps in recognition of your devoted care?
I have a horrible feeling they might genuinely believe it's handsome. Do you think that is at all possible?
Ask them to explain and live up to it.
I would assume your husband would get part of his Dad's estate, thus "your family" will inherit some funds above the $2k. I realize this doesn't seem fair, but many family caregivers go through this.
Has his estate been settled? If it is in probate, I would go to the Probate Court and file a bill for services. It might get paid that way.