Is there any way I can get paid for being the one who's going to be taking care of my parents full time?

If you are in contact with an elder care attorney they can create a caregiver contract where you can be reimbursed for travel and caregiving for elderly parents. The amount is generally the going rate for aides in your state and the attorney can outline what tasks quality and how to log your time and expenses.

Thank you very much everyone for.listening. right now i do have a full time job, i deal black jack at a local casino, have great benefits and i feel so obligated to my parents. So im torn. And where this sense of obligation is coming from i dont know but i wish my brothers felt it too. Then we could do this together but i know how they feel and their reasoning is im the daughter and im closest. And i dont even know if i have the guts to say well what about me. My parents money is minimal and because i raised my son who is disabled on my own, i relied on my parents for alot. Babysitting mostly but they were always there. So is it my turn now? I just want my parents to be happy and comfortable in the years they do have left. Thats all i really want.

I get paid to take care, at home, of my mother who is 101. Contact Consumer Direct Healthcare Network.

DO NOT give up your life and/or move in with your parents. Do they have any money at all? If so, use it to pay for home health, sitters, etc. if/when needed or to put them into assisted living or nursing home. Better to spend down all their assets than to give up your life and health so that your brothers can inherit whatever your parents have. Do NOT move in with them and do not become their caregiver! Visit them multiple times weekly if possible and ensure their need are being met, whether they are home or in a NH.

I echo what SnoopyLove states. I don't like this use of the word "choice" which seems to be for everyone BUT you. I know someone whose siblings told her she would move in with their elderly mother because her (my friend's) husband had died. This has been very difficult for her. But then one of her sibs died, and since the elderly mother fell and injured herself, another sib took a sabbatical of some kind from his work and stays with the mother during the day. My friend, of course, is the one who has to be there when she is not at work. The other remaining sib doesn't do anything (and no one expects it, oddly enough).

The mother won't allow anyone into the home to help (sound familiar?).

So don't think your story will be any different. My friend is at least able to work. When you commit to being the FT caregiver, you lose your freedom and often your physical/mental health. DON'T DO IT.

How can your brothers "choose you" for this task? Do you not have a say in the matter? How can someone else's decision cause you to "pretty much give up" your life? Why doesn't one of your brothers give up their life to do what they are apparently asking you to do?

Definitely do what you feel called to do for your parents but unless your parents can provide payment now to provide you with an income or your state has some sort of program that works out for you, it is probably best to keep your current job, or get a job now if you don't have one. Your parents aren't that old and even on hospice you could be looking at years of unpaid caregiving. And then what?

Best wishes to you!

Dcurnan, I suggest you ask the hospice social worker this question. They should be familiar with what is available in your state.

On hospice your parents are already getting some of the same benefits they would on Medicaid. They probably have no med co-pays or cost for incontinence supplies, right? But I don't believe caregiver pay is available from the hospice program. But ask!

If you do not do this, what is the alternative? Who will? How will it be paid for? Could your parents pay you? Could your parents plus your siblings pay you?

And -- do you really want to be the caregiver?

dcurnan, the vast majority of grown children who are caregivers to their parents do not get paid... unless the parent can pay from their own retirement funds.

You can check to see if your parents could qualify for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare]. Medicaid is State run, and each State has their own rules and programs. Please note Medicaid is funded by the taxpayers. Medicaid is usually used for those who live at poverty level.

Why doesn't every State offer a plan to every family caregiver? The States just cannot afford it. I don't know how California is doing this, it probably is going bankrupted or has taken away other needed programs to help fund a payment. If your State can pay you, please note the pay will be very minimal with limited hours.