My mother meets different men on dating websites, that are obviously scam artists. Any advice?

This issue is very anxiety producing for many of us. My dad couldn't use a computer, but still managed to get in plenty of trouble the old fashion way. Any salesman who knocked on the door was invited in, he called numerous ads in the classifieds to buy cemetery plots, called car dealerships to buy cars, called taxis to sneak out, locksmith to make new car keys, bribed or begged caregiver and handyman to take him to the bank, and many more.

Going back to the router program open DNS, it is very easy to install. You can block fb and all sorts of sites. She's addicted to the chase, adrenaline, and this is hard. But I'm sure you can block it, and open DNS has support. You can ask how to stop these people from getting through. Open DNS is free and easy to install- I did it on our computer and I am generally clueless with computers!

I'm reading all of these and thinking my response would be to cut off Mom's access to the internet. If she can't control her impulses when it comes to these men and keeps falling for their scams, then you have to protect her from herself. She's also risking your and your family's safety - what if she reveals your home address to one of these men at some point and they show up at your door?

Debbie, here's an idea. Ask your Mom that back when she and your Dad were dating, did she pay for ALL of the dates? If she didn't, why is she doing it now?

No man worth his salt will allow a lady to pay for anything. Your Mom needs to get back into that generational mindset again.

I also believe there is a website where if a guy sends Mom a photo, that the software of that website can see if the photo can be matched. All these "catfishes" use other people's photos. I just don't know the name of that website :(

When I FINALLY got my parents in assisted living I took all credit cards and did not install a phone in their room. They were mad as wet hens but it had to be. Among other scams and BS charities while they were still at home they got the GRANDSON IN JAIL SCAM. I barely caught it in time.

When elders get to this point they must be protected from themselves. Ya gotta shut this down no matter how much she squawks.

Thanks everyone for all of your suggestions. I’ve got restrictions on all the websites and now they r contacting her through Facebook and chatting there. I’ve blocked them from her page when I see them and then they create another page to friend her from. I ha e control of her finances and her SSI check come to me as I am her rep payee. She’s went to very desperate measures in the past to get money to send them. She’s lost her car because of this, she pawned my grandmothers wedding ring, she stole money from my brother. She was a the middle man one time for a scammer one these men posted an ad for an apartment to rent she was the receiver of the funds the person sent western union to rent the apartment, she kept some of the money and send the rest to the man in Egypt. She’s been blocked at western union, money gram, etc... and it’s honestly a battle that no matter what I do I loose. She goes to churn Sunday’s but she’s not involved in any of the activities. She refuses to go to a senior center. She just wants to isolate herself to her room and chat. I really at my wits end with this. It’s been going on for several years. When she was driving she has been to the airport waiting for someone that’s never gonna show up, and they always have an excuse and she believes it.

Open DNS offers a free router program that's hard to get through (Google it). Use custom settings to make sure her site is blacklisted. Dating sites are easily blocked on their normal check boxes.

1) You are in a war to help your mother. Write the men back, pretending to be her, confessing that she is really a man.
2) Sign up to the website yourself (or an understanding family member), and become 2-3 different "paramours" she can talk to.
Block all the rest.

Otherwise, follow the careful security precautions recommended by the other posters.

I think you need to first take steps to protect YOURSELF and the rest of your family from identity theft and fraud, because your mom may have already done some damage without even knowing it. Your mother could be giving away your personal information, or giving the scammers access to your computer/computer network. The scam is not about someone coming to America to marry your mom - these scams are normally about getting money "for their passport," money to "travel to get their passport," more money for some other obstacle in the way of "traveling" to their "beloved." Even those who are determined to engage in a real life marriage scam usually won't travel if they can't get money for it first. (Though I'm sure there are exceptions.) But, if they can't get money directly from her, they may start probing her or your computer network for information that they can use to get money in other ways.

First you need to make sure there is no way anyone could access your personal data on your network - make sure any computer she is using is scrubbed of personal info, and secure any devices that are on the same network.  Change all your passwords for everything.  You can set up user accounts on your computer network, limiting your mom to her own "screen" and denying access to the administrator level. 

Then I would suggest you need to check your security questions with anyone you have credit with (credit card companies, banks, investment firms, mortgage companies, etc.), and change them to ones your mother would not know the answers to. (How many of us have our mother's maiden name, somebody's birthdate, or the name of our first pet as security questions?) If your PIN for any card or account might be just a familiar number/word to your mom (such as a birthdate), change it now.   (Not saying she would deliberately give this info away, but someone may go "phishing" for things like birthdates, maiden names, etc.)  Monitor your accounts often - not just once a month when the statements come in.  If it's possible she knows the access numbers to any of these things, or even just the numbers on your cards, you may need to change them as soon as possible - and don't let anyone in the family leave their wallets or financial information where they're accessible to your mom.  If she is enmeshed deeply in the fantasy and believes you are thwarting "true love," she may become desperate to get money to her "beloved." 

You should also have a look at your credit reports from all 3 major credit bureaus right away. You are entitled to one free report per year from each of them. If you notice anything suspicious, you can put a fraud alert on your reports for 90 days. Honestly, if you haven't figured out a way to prevent your mother from giving away personal info by the 90 days, you should probably put a security freeze on all your credit reports. (If a lender can't access your credit report, they're not likely to give away credit to someone using your name.)

Many of these people request payment by asking for IPhone cards. She would be asked to give them the number of the card and the PIN number. I would keep a close watch to see that she isn't purchasing those cards.

Debbie's, Many people male and female become addicted to these websites. She may honestly believe these people. It is scary and possibly dangerous to her, to you and to your family. Your mother is probably very lonely and that's why she is engaging with these men. Easier to make an online connection than real life connection. If she is unwilling to socialize with you and the family, I would suggest seeing an an internet addiction specialist or if that is not available a general addiction specialist. If she is unwilling to go you may have to have wifi services to her cell and computer disconnected.

I know that Dr. Phil has had numerous shows about such situation and this is called "catfishing". I bet if you went to Dr. Phil's website and searched for catfishing, hopefully some of his previous catfishing shows will be there. Have your Mother watch them.

Of course, Mom will still be in denial, but she and you can learn from the show how to narrow it down more. The show shows you what to look for on Passports to tell if the passport is a fake, etc. And what excuses to look out for if the fellow keeps delaying visiting Mom. These catfishers rarely fly to the U.S.

This catfishing can even snag a person in their 40's who own their own business. You just need to take over Mom's finances as she is making poor decisions with her money.

You could try placing a 'parental control' program on the computer that blocks the chat sites/messaging programs she's using to reach these men. Most of the programs either require a password, or outright block things. Sadly those won't work on her cellphone, which you might have to take outright...but she's more than welcome to call her REAL friends, when you are within earshot of course.

Obviously the feeling of having men fawn over her is great...she's living out a fantasy, but you're right, it's a HUGE risk not only to herself but your family. Depending on what information she has shared, your mother might have had her identity stolen in addition to her money.

How was your mother sending these people money? If you haven't already; check with her bank and let them know to keep an eye out for suspicious behaviour on any accounts she still has open.

Does your mom have any cognitive imparement? Or could she just be lonely? Not that you are not trying to keep her company, but it sounds like she wants some male company. Maybe adult day care or a church group could help her get some face to face interaction? Also just keep trying to block these sites on her devices. Can you respond to any of them? tell them you are on to them? It won't stop them but it may slow them down now that she has no money to send.