This is really sad, and hard on you, isn't it? My husband packed a little bag and stood by the door waiting for a train to take him home. He was at home, the house we'd lived is for about 20 years. But in his reality he was in a train station, waiting to go who knows where?
"Going home" may not really be about a physical place. It is perhaps the sense of wanting to go back in time to when the world made sense and the loved one could manage everyday tasks.
Sometimes when things are not going well, I say, "Bwaa ... I want my mommy!" I don't mean that literally. For one thing, Mom is gone, but even when she was alive I wouldn't call her in those circumstances. I just mean I wish I could have someone to pat me on the back and assure me everything would work out. I realize that is what I mean. I don't think my husband could comprehend what he really wanted. He certainly couldn't articulate it! He just wanted things to be like they used to be, and there is no way to accomplish that.
What does the staff tell you about how your spouse does between your visits? Has she settled in fairly well?
Staff says her actions vary. Sometimes when I do not come when she expects me, she get upset. Other times, no problem. She sometimes acts if she does not really know where she is...thinks she is in a hospital at times or hotel.
The following are not solutions but more a comment on my experience with MIL. Up until about a year or so ago, she would also ask to go home whenever we (my husband &I, SIL & her family) would visit. We knew though that she probably would forget this a few seconds after we walked out the door which is par for the course with memory loss. Now, she will still cry when we visit but has stopped asking to go home. By the way there are many comments on this site under AD Q&A about how the loved one with AD is not asking to go to their most current home but are wanting to go back to their childhood home which makes this issue more poignant. We try to distract her, as we're leaving,: "oh, almost forgot, here we got this for you" as I take from my tote bag , some cookies or chocolates (she still loves her sweet treats). Strength to you in this very tough time.
Ed, this is when we use "theraputic fibs" when someone ask to go home. In fact, many times when a person at memory care says they want to go home, they usually mean their childhood home, where life was so much easier.
You can fib by saying "the house is being painted", "the doctor won't let you go back home until you feel better" or whatever excuse you think your spouse would understand.
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"Going home" may not really be about a physical place. It is perhaps the sense of wanting to go back in time to when the world made sense and the loved one could manage everyday tasks.
Sometimes when things are not going well, I say, "Bwaa ... I want my mommy!" I don't mean that literally. For one thing, Mom is gone, but even when she was alive I wouldn't call her in those circumstances. I just mean I wish I could have someone to pat me on the back and assure me everything would work out. I realize that is what I mean. I don't think my husband could comprehend what he really wanted. He certainly couldn't articulate it! He just wanted things to be like they used to be, and there is no way to accomplish that.
What does the staff tell you about how your spouse does between your visits? Has she settled in fairly well?
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You can fib by saying "the house is being painted", "the doctor won't let you go back home until you feel better" or whatever excuse you think your spouse would understand.