Why does our caregiver act so defiant when I ask her to do things a certain way. She seems to have attitude when I suggest to do things. Any advice?

First. Why can't you fire her? I would. Never tolerate that subordination especially if they are caring for a vulnerable family member. What must they be saying or managing your loved one in private to them, they are defenseless. It's time to move on. If you insist on keeping her. Put up inexpensive cameras all over the house. Let her know that you are doing it. Inform her. She will either leave or shape up.

I had this issue with my caregivers, too!
I am extremely careful and polite, but I think they resent
my authority or misread my tone of voice.
Now I write down all instructions, with lots of please and thank you's.
Sometimes a post it note. It solved the problem.
I hope this helps!

Just curious -- why does Sister have the final decision on who is the caregiver?

This woman has been working for you for two years. In that time has her "defiance" caused problems for your mother? How does your mother get along with her?

How much interaction do you have with this caregiver? How often are you in the house when she is? After 2 years are there really a lot of things you need to provide instruction on? Some things are worth the battle, others are not. Can you give an example of something she won't do your way, so we can sense how serious this is?

Hi,
It sounds like you need to find someone that gets along with you, your sister, and your parent. You can call an agency or run an ad. Have someone all three of you can meet that will work for the same pay scale. If it is a little more, you might be willing to add something. The caregiver is working and being paid by the family and should be willing to perform reasonable requests, and be nice to the family members. You may be asking things that she thinks are unnecessary or inconvenient to her, but you are asking because you care for your parent and since you are paying her she should do things your way. Don't let her make you feel that she is the only one that can do the job. She isn't and she should be nice to you and your parent. Good luck with this! My mom has had different care givers, each one had good things & bad things about them, but if it is really bothering you - talk to your sister & tell her you have found this great person! Just complaining about the woman probably won't help. You need to have a person ready, willing and able, or else your sister will think that she has one more problem with you complaining.
Hope things work out for the best! Best wishes!

Culture. To her you are saying she doesn’t do things correctly. Inflection of voice is important too. You’re sis thinks she’s good so assume she’s good.

Fire her...but hire someone else first

You know your parent better than anyone, and she is getting paid right? Then you have every right to put in your input!! Don't let her bully you. Set her o straight. If she can't except it time for another

If the caregiver is not following doctor’s orders and doing things her own way instead, you need to report her.

If she is Mom;s CG,, I would use that time to go do something for myself. Then you don't have to interact with her..  Since you said "you " have a CG, I assumed she was caring for you. sorry!

Working with caregivers requires a lot of finesse and give and take, sometimes more on the part of the parent and family. I was surprised to find that caregivers sometimes like to "take over." Some are more professional and work with the client; others are just set on doing things their own way.

I think the question is whether or not person and you have a personality conflict, and if the caregiver is properly taking care of whoever she's supposed to be caring for (your mother?)

Have you tried a friendly, sit down chat with her to see what can be worked out?

Samelie, first thing you need to ask yourself, does Mom like this caregiver? If yes, then that is all that matters.

We all have certain ways of doing things even though the end result is the same. I would just let the caregiver do things her way as long as it isn't hurting or bothering your Mom.

I know when my Dad had caregivers I gave them rein of the house, do things they are use to doing. Dad was real happy with the caregivers :) Good caregivers are very hard to find especially if the patient has Alzheimer's/Dementia [as per your profile].

Is she YOUR caregiver, or another family members? If she is caring for you I would keep hammering to sister that you don't get along with her, and perhaps do some passive non co operation. Why is your sister so dead set on keeping her? is she paid under the table?