A relative is blocking care home provision. What should I do next?

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nathanjames13 Asked April 2018

A relative is blocking care home provision. What should I do next?

I have POA over my grandmother but currently my mother has my grandmother in her care. She is refusing to put my grandmother into a pre arranged respite and care provision following the death of my Grandfather. She has also managed to influence my Grandmother to state she wants to live with my mother. When well my Grandmother and Grandfather (recently deceased) assigned me as POA because my mother is manipulative and ultimately after my nan's money. What should I do next, the social worker seems a little feeble. My nan has dementia and failing physical health. When well she had stated that she never wanted to live with my mum.

Grandparent Power of Attorney (POA) Refusing Care

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score 0 · Answer 1

Also, sorry I forgot to ask, what kind of power of attorney do you have?

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score 0 · Answer 2

Nathan, do you mean -

When did your grandfather pass away?

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score 0 · Answer 3

Nan has only been living there for one week. Everytime she is supposed to attend the care home it is re-negotiated by my mother for a later day.

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score 2 · Answer 4

If your mother is only after the money then cutting off her access to it should end the situation fairly quickly. I would move to ensure that only you (acting on your authority as POA) have access to your grandmother's accounts, and that your mother and grandmother only have a prepaid CC or a debit card tied to an account with a very low limit sufficient to cover each months expenses.

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score 1 · Answer 5

How long has your grandmother been living where she is? How long has your mother been her primary caregiver? Whose house are they living in? And when, and in what circumstances, did your grandparents create their separate POAs?

If your grandmother

is well cared for
seems happy
states that she wants to stay where she is

this presents the social worker with a dilemma. You may have POA and you may have made sound arrangements. But is it in your grandmother's best interests to be moved against her (apparent) will?

The presumption would be against changing the environment of a person with significant dementia. So unless you can demonstrate that your grandmother will be *better* off after the move, taking the disruption into account, you might want to think again.

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score 1 · Answer 6

I’m confused. You say you have POA, but then you ask when you will be assigned POA. If you do, in fact, have POA, YOU make the decisions where Nan will go, not your mom. If you don’t already have POA, it will be difficult if not impossible to get it now since you say Nan has dementia and could be proved incompetent.

If Nan didn’t put her wishes not to live with your mother in writing, then it’s your word against your mother’s. It sounds like Mom has access to Nan’s accounts, and if you do, in fact, have POA, you will have to enlist the help of an attorney to keep Mom’s fingers out of Grandma’s money. It might not be a bad idea to consult with an attorney anyway to find out how to go about this if no one has legal POA.

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A relative is blocking care home provision. What should I do next?

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