Visiting her home. Thoughts?

Jentix,

I agree that taking your mom to visit her home is not a good idea at this point. She may become depressed or, worst case scenario, refuse to go back to the ALF. Most elderly people who have moved to a facility from their home want to go back to just look at their home and it's rarely advised.

However, going out to lunch, movies, and club meetings would be a great idea! I'll bet that your mom would love doing things like that. Invite your mom out! If she's hesitant try to cajole her a bit, see if she'll agree, but if you find yourself pushing her that's where you stop.

But try to entice her into going out for a short while. Maybe to lunch.

I truly respect your advice and now am thinking that our present policy of taking mom out for lunch and other activities... movies, club meetings - is that also a problem for my mom? The AL facility seems so quiet and boring and my mom is an outgoing and social person still. Perhaps I am causing her anxiety with our attempts to visit often and get her out for fun? But leaving her there with such solitude and quiet really saddens me.

I agree 100% with FF. Mom’s not been in AL that long and her most recent home is still very fresh in her mind. Frequent trips back to that home could prove to be detrimental to her, you, and the staff at the AL should she become anxious once she’s returned to this relatively “strange” place. I only brought my mom out of her facility once and that was a huge mistake. Two days later, I spent my birthday in the ER with her when her anxiety caused chest pains. I know the staff had their hands full with her as well.

AL is her home now. 95% of us can tell you that not only did our loved ones miss the home they recently left, but WE missed them being in that home of happier times as well. It’s an adjustment for everyone involved. But for a person with Alzheimer’s, to switch between their present home and past home can be upsetting and confusing.

Jenitx, i would not recommend it. There are cases where if an elder visited their home, they refuse to go back to the Assisting Living. Then what? I noticed from your profile that your Mom has Alzheimer's/dementia, so any time she goes back home, it would worsen her memory.

Or the parent comes back to Assisted Living and the Staff has a heck of a time calming them down.

If Mom insists on visiting her home, now is the time to use what are called "theraputic fibs", like saying the street is all torn up as it is being repaired.