I've spent over a year caring for my parents. I had to leave my work and now I'm financially broke. How do I apply for assistance my mother?

Why are parents so selfish when it comes to “I don’t want to go to a retirement home”? My mother is being extremely selfish and thinks I need to give up what life I have left to take care of her. She did not hesitate to put my dad in a home because “I can’t take care of him, I will be in my grave soon”... not saying that is your case Jerbear, but this question is eating away at me and causing resentment. I refuse to give my mother such a promise, and I can’t afford to do everything anyways. I am just venting, sorry don’t mean to hijack the thread. As for your dad, the VA can assist. First thing to do is contact them and get a social worker to help you with services available - hopefully you have a VA facility close to you.

jerbear1, since your Dad is in his 90's he would be afraid of retirement homes because back when your Dad was a child, nursing homes were the county asylum. Thus people with dementia were placed with people who had very serious mental conditions. Scary place.

Even my Dad was delightfully surprised when I took him to view a senior facility. It looked like a hotel, the rooms were very roomy, and Dad really enjoyed his free lunch which was part of the tour. He never knew such a place existed. He was ready to move in :)

Thank you all so much I will get in touch with the ageing agency and as well the VA,on Monday and I apologise for the confusion yes Mom passed away a little over a month ago it's been tough but I'm realizing dad will have to fund this from his retirement we set and spoke and I promised him I'd keep him home and take care of him as long as I possibly could. He has fears of a retirement home and just thinks there's a possibility I would put him there so my goal is to reassure him that I love him enough to Grant him his wishes. Thank you all once again

Jer, is your father getting any assistance from the VA? If not, apply; he could get basic medical care and possibly more, depending on his condition.

If you need help on apply to the VA, post back. There are a few different methods of applying, some easier than others.

Jerbear, the vast majority of grown children who are caregivers for their parent(s) do not get paid.... unless the parent(s) can pay from their own retirement fund.

I am a bit confused by your posting. You asked about assistance for your mother, then you said she had passed. Or was it your father had passed? If not, and your Dad was a World War II vet, then check with the Veterans Administration to see what programs he can qualify.

Call your Area Agency on Aging. They are a wealth of knowledge about the different programs available.