I have been taking care of my grandfather for 4 years. I started taking care of him after one his caregivers was found to be extremely verbally abusive. We found this out by installing a voice recorder in the house where he lived. This caregiver was immediately fired and I took her place. Now that my grandfather has passed several emotions have come to surface. Including anger. I am INCREDIBLY angry that in the last few years of his life he had to have the experience of dealing with that WITCH! How could she say such awful things to who was probably the sweetest man in the world!? I hate her with all my heart and I am so angry at her. So so so so angry. I want to see her burn in hell and I dont even really believe in hell. I just hate her. If I ever see her in public I swear I wont have it in me to stop myself from coming up and chewing her out. She deserves to hear about the effects she had on my grandfather. How he was afraid to ask for anything or any help. How he wouldn't speak to me because he was afraid he would get yelled at. She did terrible things to him and I really just hate her. How am I supposed to deal with these emotions?
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But I'm sure your granddad wouldn't want you suffering like this after your loving care of him superseded that of the individual who abused your family's trust. You were there when he needed you and that means everything!
Would it possibly be helpful to talk to a counselor, say for a few sessions, about this situation? Sometimes it can be a relief to talk confidentially in person to someone about painful things that are too much to handle on one's own.
I have a feeling that there's a lot of grief about your grandfather's passing mixed in with the anger. It might help to be able to separate those out. If you can grieve your grandfather, you might not feel as much anger. Your grandfather sounds like a good man who was very lucky to have you take care of him. {{{Hugs}}}
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