Alcoholic father and mother are now living with me. What can I do?

Hi, Jane. You say on your profile that Dad has cancer. Is his disease being managed? Does he go to a doctor regularly? If so, you need to talk to his doctor. If treating your mother like this is something new, maybe his level of pain has changed and he needs more medication. And, not saying it’s right, but if he has always treated your mom like this, sorry to say she’s probably used to it. Is there a chance he could have dementia? We call that a “broken brain” and striking out at loved ones verbally and sometimes physically as well can be a symptom of that. Also, you can contact your local chapter of Al-Anon which is a group for the families of alcoholics to learn how to deal with him.

You and your mom don’t have to put up with this treatment. If you truly are at your wit’s end with him, there are always facilities he can go to. You might even ask him, since he is so dissatisfied with his care at home, if he would rather live in one of those. Tell him you’d be happy to apply for Medicaid if needs be, and find one for him. Also, when he gets so nasty, stop what you are doing, no matter what it is, and walk away. Tell him you will come back when he can be polite. You don’t have to tolerate this. Understand that Dad doesn’t feel good, but that doesn’t excuse being nasty to everyone around him. And, if he should become physically abusive toward you or Mom, you are within your rights to call the police or Adult Protective Services and have him removed from the home.

Jane, what sort of care is your father receiving for his cancer? Is hospice involved?

Does your dad have dementia? Has he always been verbally abusive to you, and to your mom?

What kind of order are you thinking about? Eviction?
Have you asked them calmly to leave?